Wo yi ran ai ni. Judging from the title, you can see where is this going.
In three days' time, it could've been our 20th month. Truthfully speaking, I was ready and wanted us to be together forever. I guess 9 months was already our forever. Up till now, I still ask this to myself all the time. What went wrong?
I wish I could tell you this personally (but I know you will freak out and stop replying me), I miss you. I really do.
I just finally realized.
People change , feelings change , it doesn't mean that the love that once was shared wasn't true . it just means that sometimes when people grow , they grow apart. -Gideon
@Er Sun Peng, it just took me a longer time to finally realize this. I should really ley bygones be bygones already.
To care, not to care.
This is just a random post to all the girls out there; WAKE UP!
I've been looking and watching my friends facing break-up(s) and patch-up(s) and having fears to love again. Sad to say, I am one of them.
I realized that most of the time, girls would keep yapping about the past. How they met the special him, how it went on, the places they went, what they did, what they ate, what they pooped etc
Thing is, wake up, girls! They do not want us anymore. As easy as that. They forgot what we did, they forgot the places we went to, they forgot how special you are, that is exactly why they left us, right? Sadly, it took me awhile to realize that as well.
Come to think of it, isn't it stupid to wait and wait like a puppy, hoping he would return? Yes. Retarded in fact. Have you read stories about a dog waiting for its master whom abandoned it and will never come back? What happened to that dog? Either a tragic death or starved to death. We are humans. So are the people who hurt us. People would still have sympathy for the dog who waited. For us? People might just call us stupid for being so stupid. Yeah, this is the world baby. So are the people who hurt us. They are cruel to us, why be cruel towards ourselves even more?
Every month I would watch the significant dates go by. And torture myself by pondering, "Why is it over?" "What did I do wrong?"
Thing is, there is no answer to that.
I know it is really unfair for the people who loves me, who cares about me to look at me torturing myself again and again. I thought I was strong enough to face it all. At the end of the day, who am I to give advices to my friends when I cannot even help myself. Who am I to ask my friends to wake up when I haven't woken up yet?
To be honest, I am only half-awake. A part of me still want to know the real story. I am curious about a story, about a truth that will never be revealed. Sometimes I asked myself, why do I even bother loving someone when I am not even sure if that someone is going to love me as sincerely as truthfully as I love him?
This is the part when girls lose the faith and trust to love again.
Conclusion is, there is no conclusion. We probably have to keep taking risks until we find the safe place to place our hearts. All the best, to all the beautiful girls out there.
We have to just keep believing :] It is not the end, just yet.
Its my final exams tomorrow. If I say I am well-prepared for it, I am bullshitting. I wasn't this time compared to my midterm :[ Why did I slack, why did I procastinate?! I am so not sure if I can be a 4 pointer this time T.T Sigh. I tried my best to study all the toughest topics. Sigh. I am worried!
Besides that, I am also worried about my OSCE, its my practical exam. I stutter when there's an audience. Damn, I am so so worried! Lets finish this shit and get it over with. HAH!
Good luck to myself and jiayous to all my classmates. Class 2/2011 jiayou!
I must have confidence, right?! Trolololololololllllllllll
One good thing is, after this would be a 1 week holiday(HOOOORAH!) and I will be moving on to Sem 2(skips around). Okay, make that 2 good things.HEEEEEEEEE XD
Being with someone who has been treasuring me all these while makes me feel so lucky.
This was taken 3 years back, lol! Before SPM XD
Happy Deepavalli or rather Divali (as my Indian friends would say) to all my peeps!
As for me, I shall enjoy my holidays heeee XD
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| Some awesome henna I did in Brickfields, which I am worried of because I am scared it will not go off by my OSCE exam :/ |
Sorry I had to delete you off again. I know its a pretty childish act of mine. So immature. But that is the only thing I could do, to stop myself from caring so much anymore. I am not even supposed to care actually. Knowing that you still remember the date, was kind of consoling but I guess its all psychological now. Its all about me psycho-ing myself that you still care, but nope.
I am living my life pretty well. Happy in fact. Its great to have someone who cares so much about me, and I care a lot about him too. One thing that sucks, I can't seem to walk away from this shadow. The darkest, scariest shadow.
What is the reason why I am still hanging on to this? To show that I can wait longer than her? To show you how much it hurts? I have no idea. Why do I hope to see you in misery? Its evil, but sometimes I hope you're not as happy without me, which you are, I know.
I keep repeating all these shit. I guess that you're also tired of hearing me saying that "I will try my best" and bla bla bla.
I am determined this time. I do not want to hurt the ones that care, love about me. Its tiring for them. Its tiring for you and me. Its tiring for you and me. Sorry.
Sorry. I have to do this to you again. Its been 5 months, and yes. I still need some time.
