lovelovelove.

I just finally realized.

2011-12-03T22:32:00.000+01:00

People change , feelings change , it doesn't mean that the love that once was shared wasn't true . it just means that sometimes when people grow , they grow apart. -Gideon

@Er Sun Peng, it just took me a longer time to finally realize this. I should really ley bygones be bygones already.

To care, not to care.

2011-10-31T16:06:00.004+01:00

This is just a random post to all the girls out there; WAKE UP!

I've been looking and watching my friends facing break-up(s) and patch-up(s) and having fears to love again. Sad to say, I am one of them.

I realized that most of the time, girls would keep yapping about the past. How they met the special him, how it went on, the places they went, what they did, what they ate, what they pooped etc

Thing is, wake up, girls! They do not want us anymore. As easy as that. They forgot what we did, they forgot the places we went to, they forgot how special you are, that is exactly why they left us, right? Sadly, it took me awhile to realize that as well.

Come to think of it, isn't it stupid to wait and wait like a puppy, hoping he would return? Yes. Retarded in fact. ~~Have you read stories about a dog waiting for its master whom abandoned it and will never come back? What happened to that dog? Either a tragic death or starved to death.~~ We are humans. So are the people who hurt us. People would still have sympathy for the dog who waited. For us? People might just call us stupid for being so stupid. Yeah, this is the world baby. So are the people who hurt us. They are cruel to us, why be cruel towards ourselves even more?

Every month I would watch the significant dates go by. And torture myself by pondering, "Why is it over?" "What did I do wrong?"

Thing is, there is no answer to that.

I know it is really unfair for the people who loves me, who cares about me to look at me torturing myself again and again. I thought I was strong enough to face it all. At the end of the day, who am I to give advices to my friends when I cannot even help myself. Who am I to ask my friends to wake up when I haven't woken up yet?

To be honest, I am only half-awake. A part of me still want to know the real story. I am curious about a story, about a truth that will never be revealed. Sometimes I asked myself, why do I even bother loving someone when I am not even sure if that someone is going to love me as sincerely as truthfully as I love him?

This is the part when girls lose the faith and trust to love again.

Conclusion is, there is no conclusion. We probably have to keep taking risks until we find the safe place to place our hearts. All the best, to all the beautiful girls out there.

We have to just keep believing :] It is not the end, just yet.

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSED :X

2011-10-30T18:40:00.002+01:00

Its my final exams tomorrow. If I say I am well-prepared for it, I am bullshitting. I wasn't this time compared to my midterm :[ Why did I slack, why did I procastinate?! I am so not sure if I can be a 4 pointer this time T.T Sigh. I tried my best to study all the toughest topics. Sigh. I am worried!
Besides that, I am also worried about my OSCE, its my practical exam. I stutter when there's an audience. Damn, I am so so worried! Lets finish this shit and get it over with. HAH!
Good luck to myself and jiayous to all my classmates. Class 2/2011 jiayou!

I must have confidence, right?! Trolololololololllllllllll

One good thing is, after this would be a 1 week holiday(HOOOORAH!) and I will be moving on to Sem 2(skips around). Okay, make that 2 good things.HEEEEEEEEE XD

Being with someone who has been treasuring me all these while makes me feel so lucky.

This was taken 3 years back, lol! Before SPM XD

Happy Divali!

2011-10-25T15:15:00.000+02:00

Happy Deepavalli or rather Divali (as my Indian friends would say) to all my peeps!
As for me, I shall enjoy my holidays heeee XD

Some awesome henna I did in Brickfields, which I am worried of because I am scared it will not go off by my OSCE exam :/

2011-10-25T15:11:00.001+02:00

Sorry I had to delete you off again. I know its a pretty childish act of mine. So immature. But that is the only thing I could do, to stop myself from caring so much anymore. I am not even supposed to care actually. Knowing that you still remember the date, was kind of consoling but I guess its all psychological now. Its all about me psycho-ing myself that you still care, but nope.

I am living my life pretty well. Happy in fact. Its great to have someone who cares so much about me, and I care a lot about him too. One thing that sucks, I can't seem to walk away from this shadow. The darkest, scariest shadow.

What is the reason why I am still hanging on to this? To show that I can wait longer than her? To show you how much it hurts? I have no idea. Why do I hope to see you in misery? Its evil, but sometimes I hope you're not as happy without me, which you are, I know.

I keep repeating all these shit. I guess that you're also tired of hearing me saying that "I will try my best" and bla bla bla.

I am determined this time. I do not want to hurt the ones that care, love about me. Its tiring for them. Its tiring for you and me. Its tiring for you and me. Sorry.

2011-10-24T19:29:00.002+02:00

Sorry. I have to do this to you again. Its been 5 months, and yes. I still need some time.

2011-10-24T18:19:00.001+02:00

I know I love you. I know that I expect too much from a person. I myself am not perfect either. Maybe that is why I want you to be perfect. I don't know. I ask too much at times. And when I don't get the results I achieve for, I get disappointed. I get pissed. I keep reminding myself on why I loved him so much. How could I forget why did I love you so much now? I hate this connection I have in my brain and heart. We love someone for different reasons. I really don't know what to do. Its almost 5 months, and I am still so mentally unstable. Today is the 25th again. Its my close friend's birthday and also the date I hope it never existed.

2011-10-24T18:11:00.000+02:00

I must say, today wasn't the greatest start of the week. Everything was going on fine until I get to college.

I reached the shit-damned college at 8.15 am, waited like a fool for almost half an hour with my friend. We thought we were at the wrong place and so we left. Ironic thing was, many lecturers saw both of waiting like a fool including our lecturer in-charged. She just walked passed us. And so, around 9 am, my friend called me to come up to this particular room and my friend and I was reprimanded for being late. FISH HER SERIOUSLY. We were the earliest among the whole group and you dare say we were late? She was scolding us for not calling her and what not. Hello. You saw us waiting out there, you did not even say a thing. Any counseling forms coming my way, I WILL NOT sign it. Ever. Not now. Not ever.

Then, it was my theory class. I got some questions wrong. And yeah, one sentence really poached me. She was like "Everlyn, I think we lost you today."

I was like what? All the while I've been giving correct answers and just today I wasn't at my league and I deserve all these shit? Yes, I haven't touched my book for 6 weeks now due to practical/clinical posting. So? Its not like I am not making an effort to do whatever is supposed to do.

Sometimes, I really don't know what lecturers want from us. The ones that are trying their best, they are squeezing every ounce left on them. While the one who aren't really trying their best, are living their lives so easily. Really, the world isn't always fair. And fish that la. Good night. Sorry for all the ranting. I just needed to rant at somewhere.

*Updates!

2011-10-02T05:44:00.000+02:00

First and foremost, I want to introduce my son, Durian to you guys! Yeah I guess most of you already knew about his existence but I still want to post his photos here. 'Cause he is just too cute to be true XD
He is kind of alike to Sneefee. Almost the same character except that he is more bad-ass-ish.

So well, another month has passed. Extremely tired and busy. I sleep whenever I have the chance to.

Not to mention I owe my friends whom have been providing me with transportation to college etc. If I were to take public transport, its gonna cost me a lot more of energy. :']

Been hanging out with Kaytrieese my twink a lot last month because of her hedgehog and her presentation. I mean it feels good to be hanging out with her again, just like the good old days. Not to mention Bernard as well.

So 3 months of posting has already passed. Kind of getting the hang of the life of being a nurse. And the sacrifices. No matter what, I have no regrets choosing this path.

I look forward to another 2 1/2 years. I look forward upon graduation!!!!!

Ciao!!!!

Is it over already?

2011-10-01T11:46:00.001+02:00

I am also getting sick of my own emotional posts. LOL. I don't know man. I just cannot live without being emo once in a while. Like I get sad over my life at times. Its like whenever I am damn happy something just have to happen or invade my brain and make me sad. :[

However, the past raya holidays were boring. Not to mention I spent over my budget :[

But I was actually looking forward to this holiday in a way, because its Terry's birthday! I never once got to celebrate with him, and this time, I tried my best to make up all the 3 years that I missed! :] And he was really happy with the mini surprise we gave him at midnight and this year, he celebrated his birthday with his son, Durian.

We celebrated his birthday in BBQ Plaza, Sunway. Did some archery, some arcade-ing and thats about it. Most of the pictures were taken by his lomo camera, hence I need to wait for the pictures to be developed before I could post anything. Be patient hehe.

Went back to Muar on the 31st. Not bad. On our Merdeka Day. This year really quietened down a lot as everyone was busy raya-ing and forgot about our Independence Day. Its kind of sad actually. Without this independence, you think you all get to raya now or not? Tsk. Jalur Gemilang~ I was actually singing patriotic songs that day alright! XD

Just ate and relaxed in Muar basically. Nothing much to do in Muar one mah. Take it as an opportunity to rest. Brought durian back and bonded with him. He is just too effin cute!!!!!!!! :p

Terry returned to KL on the 2nd, sis on the 3rd and I on the 4th.

Its my 3rd day of college already. I am actually used to all the travelling and all of the hectic-ness I am facing. Of course, gradually you seem less and less significant to me already. Why try so hard when you do not even bother to care about me right?

I cannot really update properly nowadays, its really sad. I cannot even find time to do it anymore. Even when I am on holidays, I will use the time to either sleep or finish assignments. I guess I finally understand what college life's like already. Switzerland was too boring hence I always had the time to do nonsense updates and what nots. Too many things to do in Malaysia! :D Anyway ciao and till next time!

My baby Durian about one month plus ago! so tai ni. :p

My idiotic sis and I outside of Pavilion. Big time P&F fan.

I got bored and started to catch bubble outside Pavilion.

Terry's birthday dinner at The Ship :] Nyams!

Terry's birthday in Sunway Pyramid.

My post is so overdued. Its supposed to be posted about a month ago and because I am so damn busy and I have no time to complete one proper post. Hence forgive me for the lame post and also the lacking of photos. I cbb to take transfer e photos from my cam and then resize 'em etc etc. A thousand apologies! :[[[

So this is what I've been up to.

Yeah thats right. Thats me in college at 7.30am. Which means I have to leave home around 6.30a.m. :[ There goes my sleeping time!

One of my team members :]

Yeah this is what I've been doing and this is why I damn busy. Clinical posting. I shall end here. Update when something interesting happens! *Lol I always use this phrase but I always break my promise. Cause interesting events never happens! :[

I kind of wonder, why did you even bother to take a chance when I wanted to leave you then. I knew it couldn't work out hence I asked for the break. You insist you want to gamble this one more chance. At that point, I gave out my 100% trust because I thought, any boy who would try his best to hold on, will not let go. I guess you were just acting. I was too stupid. I let myself hurt me.

2011-08-22T12:36:00.001+02:00

Well of well, isn't that all better? Knowing that you actually take me as a friend, makes my "moving-on" life much easier. For me, no use avoiding me. 我是不会si心的。

Instead, us being like normal friends make things so much better :]

At some point I really wished you were dead, because I am here dying and you never bothered. Well, I guess that is the natural process. I do hope pleasant things continue to happen and I shall live happily ever after XD Luls.

I am so sorry.

2011-08-21T07:32:00.001+02:00

I shouldn't be hurting you again and again by being sad for another person.

I know it hurts you to see me cry everytime. Sometimes you just feel like giving up because you don't know what more can you do to make me feel better. I just, won't.

But you know what, I promised you our future, and like I said, I am not the kind of person who backs out from a promise.

I know you are only human. You have feelings, unlike him.

Maybe all these while I needed him. Because he is an asshole. I needed him so that I could shit through him. Heh. Thanks for everything you've done. Its not that it has no effect on me at all. But it just takes a lil' while. Just like cancer.

ily <3

FML

2011-08-21T05:56:00.000+02:00

Its going to be the 4th month since you walked out from my life.

You promised me you will not move on until I do. Yes, I did asked you to move on without me.

But, when are you going to stop lying? Ever since we broke up, I keep finding out the truth. Don't you ever get tired of lying to me? You said we could be friends, but is this how you should treat a friend?

2011-08-15T11:48:00.001+02:00

Hi, how are you guys doing? Feeling a lil hardworking to post something here today.

I just came home from college about 15 minutes ago, no doubt, travelling from Damansara to KL everyday is slightly more tiring than to stay in hostel, somehow I like it here. And I like the independent feeling of travelling by my own back and forth. Lul, I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth.

I am done with my mid-term exams officially. Scored the highest in psychology according to my lecturer but I think she forgot the word "so far" as I saw someone scoring half a mark higher than me. Damn. I am so kiasu now. Whatever happened to the old selamber me?!

Anyway I can't wait for the holidays and also my intern. I am sort of worried, no doubt. If I were to be posted in Kajang, I will have to stay in that Damansara hostel again. For about 2 months, I really dislike staying in there :[ I hope I get Ipoh or Johor hospitals though! *Wishing wishing* teehee XD

So anyway, have a great start of the week, and I will blog soon! Hopefully!

Looking at our old photos, brings back the tears. Looking at your updates brings back the pain. But. Why do I still look at them then? Because I want myself to face the fact that you are not worth it anymore. You could let me go and move on so well and left me here struggling. So. Why am I even missing you? I want myself to be able to get used to the wound and heal it and love him whole heartedly. I know I can. I know I will.

BYE!

PEEK-A-BOO! Just posting this picture because I like it haha.

GASPS!

2011-08-05T04:28:00.002+02:00

Its freaking August already! Time's passing too fast! I am already finishing the first semester of theory in college. Soon, I will be going for postings. Lots of things happened since the last time i blogged. Just a lot, a few slight changes in my life, and some things that I've been trying to change but they just won't move.

This month is the month I entered the faculty, got my uniforms tailored which I am worried now as I think I've put on weight thanks to @Terry Chan! I seriously have to cut down on my intake. I am seriously worried. I don't want to spend extra cash on buying a new uniform -.-
Got my books, as thick as a dictionary, got my thermometer and nurses' watch and so on. Everything was great. Until recently my roommates finally let they devil horns out. Ok, shall not go into that.

Also, I am getting used to my KL life. Transportations, places, culture, able to understand Cantonese a lil etc.
However, there are no highlights for this month or whatever. Only slight changes in my life so far, and also new people entered my life. I am grateful for the "addition". ♡
You take away my tears and planted laughters.

From being a swollen face mid length hair girl around April/May

To a rockstar haircut. Still swollen face-ish.

To less swollen face and short hair girl

To a kepoh make-up person for cheerleaders,

To a grumpy college girl,

To a happy college girl,

To a swollen face + Chatime (Y) ,

To a happy nursing student in uniform! ,

To birthday parties,

To making new girl-friends,

To being grumpy in some random party in OverTime,

To have an irrelevant photo here, I just miss this girl of mine thats all. :'/

The change I really want in my life now is to get "you" out of my heart and brain. Its like a burden. Burden for me and the people who loves me. Burden for my eyes, I cannot wear my contact lens on certain days because I end with a swollen eye crying for you. I want to put a full stop to this. I want to stop crying for someone who is not worth my tears. Like what my friend Florence used to tell me in form 2, a person who is worth of your tears, will not make you shed another. Hurts every now and then when I think of you. I hope these emo nights can pass really soon.

Its been almost 3 months, can I ever let go?

2011-07-27T07:54:00.002+02:00

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
Told me you loved me
So why did you go away?
Away

I do recall now the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement
I ran off the plane
That July 9th
The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms

But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is that
I don't know how to be something you miss
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

I do remember
The swing of your step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in
I'm not much for dancing
But for you I did

Because I love your handshake, meeting my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something
There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions

But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is that
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are

And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind

So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is that
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss
Forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips

Just like our last

I hate myself for feeling like this. I've never acted this way before for any break ups I went through last time. I've met my kryptonite, I've met my true love for once.
Too bad my first and true love is not for the keeps.
I thought I was fine. I thought I was ready to move on. I thought you meant nothing to me anymore. But tears roll down unknowingly as I was playing this song while reading the lyrics. Why do we have to end like this? You said you loved me on the 15th of April at 1.56 am and then said sorry and you left. Up till now I couldn't find an explanation for all these shit. You avoid me whenever I asked for the answer, what did I do wrong? What is it you dislike about me? You always said I was incredible but why did you leave me?

Sometimes I put up a strong front, but I do hope you could care for me for once. Can't you even ask if I am alright? You dumped me and left me to rot. You never once cared and asked if I was feeling better. Why did I fall for such a heartless person? Once in a while I miss you so, why can't you just be concerned for once?

Perhaps, I have to get you out from my heart soon, on my lips you shall stay.

Who cares, baby.

2011-07-02T19:58:00.001+02:00

Its another week! And tomorrow would be officially the 1st month I spent in KL! It went by just like that?! Times really flies. In a blink an eye, its already July. It felt like I was just playing snow in Switzerland a month back, seriously. This week is just like every other week. Another roller coaster week. Although, my school fees are settled, I got a friggin Distinction for my Maths but I seem to start having conflicts with my housemates. Make that a we. Room A against Room B. The whole house is filled with 1992 kids, except both of my roomies, and I was sorta dragged in as well because they thought I was younger and they kind of bullied me as well. I will not take that as an answer of course. Which is why I am still contemplating whether or not to move. I love my room, I like my roomies, but I just hate the housemates :/ and to add on to all these, I fell ill. :[ You give me fever/ menstrual pain/ whatever pain anytime over sore throat/flu/nauseous. 3 things I dread the most!

By the way, been having some roller coaster rides with my own heart and brain recently. Sigh. I dislike that feeling. When I am alone, or have nothing to do, things just keep coming back into my mind. Past, present, future. Well, mainly my "past" if you get what I mean. Sometimes I really do miss him. On the bright side, I am really enjoying my college life and I am really enjoying life with my family-angkat in KL :]] Although college life is not as awesome as Switzerland, (I do not have Cai Ling with me here) but I have no complaints.

I seriously look forward to my faculty classes and also uniform fitting which will be happening soon! And also finally getting into a big classes and to start our practicals. :] Terry's not around this week, hence, no pictures, again. He will be back tomorrow! YAY! Its almost 2 a.m. Maybe I should turn in.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day. Good night! :]

♥

You confused me.

2011-07-02T19:21:00.005+02:00

Show encrypted text

Its all.. its all... Its all because of you.

2011-06-26T07:22:00.002+02:00

"You're my sunshine after the rain.."

Damn, I feel like am sitting on a fountain with a lot of heart-shaped water droplets -.- heh.

I am a sucker for boy bands that sounds.. erm, soothing? Can't really find a weird to describe the "feel" of it :]
Well, duuh, I am not in love of course. Its because of the song.

To sum it up, it has been a pretty sucky week for me.
First, my housemates locked my kettle in THEIR room by mistake before returning to their kampung last week. And then something cropped up with my PTPTN loan. Malaysia Boleh. Reducing and cutting of our loans with no notice.
And I dyed my clothes blue because my jeans faded. So lame!
Luckily godma gave me some of her old clothes, if not I will be wearing the same 5 t shirts over and over again.
But something made me happy a lil! Snowflake-d on Friday night! NYAMS.
Am really glad I have someone who thinks almost the same as me, like a little sister who talks more than my actual little sister :D and listens to my complains about someone heh. You know who you are.

Don't really have much to blog about this week. Nothing interested and resourceful this week.
Just, one thing I gotta really say though, I hope the familiar faces in my course will not leave because of this PTPTN crisis :[

.. and my Saturday was the most awesome time I had throughout this week. :]

So yeah, gotta go! Just a very oh-my-tian update. Really meaningless heh.

"and.. its all, its all, its all because of you."

Are you looking for something dumb to do?

2011-06-20T12:20:00.007+02:00

Yo people. I just came back from class. Bored. Boring. :D
My life in KL, no doubt, is just as boring as my life in Switzerland. Finish class, go home. Stay home till the next day, go to class. I am such a home-y person. I like to stay at home. Unless, got people ajak go out makan lar! I love to go out and makan with people XD Most of my friends don't believe that I am a couch potato judging from my looks, what?! I look like a party girl meh, sheesh. But they never said I look like a party girl either la, then what am I? A road potato if not couch?

Anyway, class was alright. I just sat at one corner doing my maths revision. Got selected by the head of department to be the leader for the nurses of this intake. Reason: Super kepoh. I where got kepoh!
Now here I am home alone, typing and drinking milk at the same time. Roommate's not in. I'm gonna write notes all over the house while she is not around.Then i came home from Terry's last night, she was like "Hey, you got Justin Bieber's song a?"
"Nope, only Baby, you want it?" "Owh *takes out her pendrive*. I want all his new song can?"
"Well, I'm not sure if I can download" "Harh how......." "Ok lah I download a few for you. What song you want."
LOL

One of my closest coursemates.

We no cut carrot XD

That dude who dragged us for skating. Well, he can skate pretty well.

Let me tell you what happen. "Evy Evy look at me! I'm going out from here dy" *turns and skates super "pro-ly" and kaboom! I stunned. And she twisted her ankle. Wow. I am never gonna perform First Aid for in public ever again. She yells like crazy! XD LOL Somemore condemn on my bandaging skills. I think it was correct lor, exactly the same figure 8 I learnt!

Its Friday, I do not have to make my mind up, which seat should I take. Because all the seats are full :/ =.=

Ugleh wordings are from me XD

Happy Birthday, Kam Yin :]

And lets talk about last week/weekend XD So last week was a pretty relaxing week for me. Classes were really short. Though something stupid did happen. My CIMB card was retained in the ATM because I was an idiot. So took a 3 hour trip to town. Heh. Got back my CIMB card and spent another 2 hour to go back. And Friday was THE BOMB. I never knew skating could be this fun. I always had a "phobia" about the skates because they look as though we can cut carrots with them XD and of course the company of Baljit and Terry :]

At night, we went to Ampang Lookout point to celebrate Kam Yin's birthday with cupcakes from Cupcakes Chic :] And.. Spent weekend lazing around at home.
So, I need to go do my chores. Bye!

Anyway, I do miss you so XD Get well soon!

2011-06-19T19:17:00.003+02:00

Hello, I've been MIA from this space for quite a while already. I realised, I dump this place whenever I am going through a rough patch. True, I rant here at times, but they're usually small matters though. Recently, like my tweeties would know and also its kind of obvious in Facebook, I just became single. You can say, again?

I am thankful to have those who stand by me throughout this rough patch. Although I may seem fine, I seemed like I moved on really well but I am still struggling. Right now, I don't have the guts to fall in love anymore, yeah that's sad. Sure, I swoon over cute guys and stuff. But I really cannot cannot believe in love anymore, for now. Like I don't believe I can ever find a guy who can last long with me. Either that, I am lazy to go through everything again, knowing somehow it would end =.= I know, skeptical huh?

I've started college. Finally, after a year of regrets and complaining, I can finally do nursing. Although, studying in Switzerland was truly awesome, like so glam and all, freedom and all, but I feel really happy doing nursing eventhough most of the stuffs in my Anatomy class are still so vague to me. But me happy! Happy then good right?

I've made some awesome friends. Well, just my batchmates. My new roommates are moving in today. Boy, I hope they're clean! My housemates are pretty weird at times, but whatever!

*Continues from last week* -above was written last week but never posted

Hi! I am entering the 3rd week of college! No doubt, lots of money spent for settling down. About RM800? Ouch! However, I am grateful for the people who helped me to settle down here. Terry kor and family, Baljit and of course my awesome friends. Besides that, college really made me feel better about myself. I don't need a douchebag by my side at all actually. I would also like to have a shoutout to my awesome peeps who helped me during this rough patch of mine.

Terry kor! For always staying on the phone with me whenever I need to cry.

Kaytrieese twink for going through this with me although you cannot even help yourself,

Ber for talking to me and your lame jokes :] ,

Jing Ming for being such a bai chi,

Raven jie for swearing together with me,

Angel for swearing even more,

Yvonne girl for giving me advices,

Ren Tong for comforting me even you're 'his' friend,

Preetibah darling for complaining together with me,

Kevin for all your lame jokes,

Sergio for knocking some sense into me.

I hope I left no one out :/

This week, I went ice skating. It was really fun.

I thought I forgot how to laugh. I did, a lot of times in the skating rink. I thought I forgot how to smile, I did, when I am on the phone with you. I thought I forgot how to care, I did, when I my friends getting hurt. I thought I was useless, I realised I wasn't when I could still manage my life so well after all these shit.

Lastly, I never thought I could fall so deeply in my life and get trashed so badly in the end. I am grateful for this lesson. I promised my friends to be stronger, and here I am.

More 'normal' posts would be up soon when I have the time :] Like how I blogged before. Everlyn Heng will be back I promise :]

Two moments which made me smiled from the bottom of my heart during my down times. <3

Press start XD

2011-05-30T07:01:00.002+02:00

More Happeepill Shows? Go to happeepill.com

I would suggest you to just scroll down.

2011-05-29T16:45:00.001+02:00

I did not expect to revive my blog with a post like this.
To be honest, nothing has been going my way since I returned to Malaysia. So much for my anticipation.
Yeah, nice food, family and all, but I've been going through some stressful issues.
To top it all, I got dumped. How nice. Yeah, I would proudly say so, as he wanted me to tell the whole world so. I prefer to say mutual breakup anyway.

So yeah, it really surprises me how much he loved and cared for me just ONLY 10 months ago can be ended in an sms. He thinks he's what? Jonas brothers a? I forgot that dude's name who dated Taylor Swift la. Btw, in a text message? And he didn't want me to call him? Ok whatever.

Like I've mentioned a million times, he's kind of like my first love. Like the real relationship I ever had, compared to my previous sms ones -.- Well, mainly based in sms lah. He is like so real, we met in school, we became friends. In short we went through the normal process before being a couple la. Not like those high school lovers, sms for one month then boom! Lols.

I put up a strong front, I didn't want to make him stress. Afterall, he did not do me wrong, he was just. Confused. I guess he didn't know his feelings well either?
He claimed I did not do anything wrong, it was just that he doesn't love me anymore. Like, what more can I do right? Feelings ah, hard to say one. You may be perfect but he doesn't love you, you may be full of flaws, and he might still love you. Its a really strange thing I guess.

I acted I was ok. We chatted like every other day. Like nothing has happened. I guess he was taking my presence for granted. He thought I would always be his friend no matter what. I guess I got tired of that. He said he wasn't taking me for granted, but to me it felt that way. Sometimes I can be really sensitive and stuff but yeah. I told him, I expected him to help me through. Not acting like nothing has happened. The more he acted that way, the more I thought we still had a hope to be together.

Last night, he totally crashed my impression and dreams. His Mr. Nice Guy impression was utterly demolished, my thoughts of being with him again sometime later was crushed. He was mean. I wanted to hate him but I can't. There was just anger.

Thank God for Sergio who Skyped with me till 5am in the morning. Well, if our memories meant nothing to him, why should I keep thinking about it. Does he even flashback about the times we had? If he did, he probably wouldn't have said those mean things.

Perhaps, all the things I did to change myself into his type of girl wasn't working well. To think back, he isn't really my type as well. I guess its for the best. I just need some time to let go. :]
Perhaps me being so "Convent girl" didn't work out for us. We grew up with different cultures and perspectives. When I compare myself with his girl friends around him, I see big differences. The way of thinking, our goals, our perspectives in things are just different. Maybe not everyone is able to accept big changes. I am proud to be me, the mean, straightforward, simple in virtue steadfast in duty Convent girl. If he can't take an independent girl, so be it. If he cannot love "this type" I am, so be it. I tried by best. I really did. I really wanted this to work out.
Maybe his friends were right. I am not his type.

To sum it up, it was a good relationship. At least I was loved deeply by a boy I loved so deeply.
He is not a bad guy, although I complain about him. Perhaps, he is just the wrong guy.
Thank you for all the memories.

Good bye, stranger.

2011-04-05T15:55:00.002+02:00

Perhaps things have changed, I have changed.

I am slowly turning into a stranger and I don't wish to be known by you anymore.

I am partially glad that I am leaving, because I take this as my sweet escape.

Perhaps, we don't even have to meet anymore back in Malaysia. We can be total strangers, perhaps that would turn out better for both of us?

Perhaps the "me" whom you knew is dead, the one you know now is perhaps a strangers whom you thought you knew, but no. Remember, there is a lie in believe, there is an over is lover, there is an us in trust and there is an ex in next.

I've got my own life to handle, I've got no time to handle ours. No matter what the future holds, I would standby and see what it has to give us.

Boredom.

2011-03-26T17:53:00.001+01:00

Hi just a short update on a boring day :D
Spent the whole day watching Ming Zhong Zhu Ding Wo Ai Ni, I cannot tahan but I had to say a million times "Boyfiee looks like Ruan Qing Tian"
But he is annoyed already :X sorry lah, didn't mean it. Have to forgive me because I am bored and I get hyper when you come home.

I woke up around noon today, but did not sleep well no matter what. Woke up feeling extremely tired, lazy to even go to toilet to brush/wash up. Just stayed in bed till now. What a lazy ~~Sunday~~ Saturday. I keep thinking today's Sunday for no reason. Boyfie came home after work with kebab, some pastries and bananas. Sho happy. He is always buying me food to eat. Eh the vanilla stick thingy super nice! *hint hint*

Went to Chur, again, yesterday. To get my super overpriced iPod USB. I swear imma hurl when I find my iPod pouch in train later. Well, its like this, I left my iPod pouch, with my USB in it in the train on Thursday night. And I only realised it was missing after I changed train. That is why I gotta get new ones. AHH money terbang away. ISH. I could buy myself a afternoon menu in a restaurant with that money! AH!

I bought myself a pair of fitting jeans. Finally! So hard to get a pair of jeans to fit me perfectly here. Either its too long, or too tight or too loose. The girls here either got super super lidi-like legs or super huge elephant legs. Sien. Oh and I finish buying souvenirs! Not for all though, just for family and some people who helped me along the way to get to Switzerland. Bag overweight liao, can't bring so much back and the souvenirs here are really pricey :x
And then went home and cleaned boyfie's messy room. I kinda like doing stuffs like that ever since I started living on my own o.O

Tomorrow I can start counting down the days I am left with for internship! 3 more days! Tuesday I have to move everything to the hotel and live in the hotel am working in for about 3 days? Most of my luggages are with boyfie already though. I've got so many plans after I finish my intern! To visit Cai Ling and Ashley and nothing else basically. LOL. Oh and to get my diploma from my dean and? Gotta make a list XD

I am made excited! Ok bye!

Summer lovin'

2011-03-25T22:09:00.001+01:00

Exactly 8 months ago, I thought I found this perfect person mentioned above. However, as time passes, I realised that you are not like that at all. Sometimes, you might even be the opposite of it. But to me, that is why you are perfect, because of your imperfections, you remain special and lovable.

While I was searching for the perfect blue eyes blonde hair, i found a black haired sepet.

Because of you, I've grown up. I've learnt to love the hard way. I realised that in a relationship, its mutual, you either depend on each other or vice versa.

I guess I am the one who hardly ever crossed your mind but ILY and IMY as always.

I always try to avoid you because I don't want to fall too hard.

....& I hope I will make it to your future.

Happy 8th Month.

-Yang, you know, every month is crucial to me. Reason? Ask me if you wanna know.

Summer lovin' had me a blast,

Summer lovin' happened so fast,

I met a girl crazy for me,

I met a boy cute as can be,

Summer days drifting away to uh oh the summer nights.♥ -Summer Nights, Grease; John Travolta&Olivia Newton John

-May my summer 2010 stay the way it was.

Rainy days.

2011-03-20T20:52:00.006+01:00

I know that my blog hasn't been chirpy and sunshine-y for quite a while already. I know. I just got so much shit happening to me all at once and I don't know what to do. Perhaps, everything would change for the better when I return to the place where I really belong, eating the food I grew up with, breathing the dirty air which has been polluting my lungs for the past 19 years, being in the culture I am comfortable with and of course with the ones I love. Sometimes, I feel so out of place, even with the close people I have here. Afterall, we grew up differently, we came from different schools, think differently, spoke different languages, communicate differently, somehow everything seems so alien-ed to me.

I thought I was the only one but I realised there are so many girls out there ranting how inferior they are and how they are unhappy with themselves. Perhaps girls always ask too much from themselves and ended up disappointed themselves? I was a pretty confident person but recently so many things that are happening make me feel like poo. Although most of my friends know that I am bloody conceited, love to self-praise but actually I am not exactly comfortable with my looks/weight but I never bothered to improve. CCB - lol this makes me laugh everytime. Thanks Jo XD

And why are things so complicated eh? Fall in love also susah, make real friends also susah. One thing I hate the most is pleasing people I don't even care. I can't understand myself really, why I keep expecting myself to please others, when I don't really care about them? Don't like don't like lah, fuck your lives lah, but for some reasons I need to care. GAH WTH is this.

& sometimes I feel so unappreciated. Like why do I even try when the others get everything without even trying. fml. Like sometimes if I am nice, I give in and give in, I seemed so "available", I seemed so easy. Although I may seem like I am really bitchy/strong/got that I-don't-care-attitude, like I would bite but I've always been used in a way and another. Since high school, team projects everytime also I finish, in clubs activities etc etc aiyah in short everything I do, my credits are always taken by others. In friendship/relationship also. I care because I care, I hate it when people take me for granted. You know I hate playing hard to get, I don't like acting like I don't care, I do whatever I think I should. I show my feelings the way it should show. I love then I love, I hate then I hate. But I think being caring/nice/thoughtful is not an option anymore. Because people tend to take you for granted. & I hate it people say they will TRY to love me. Like wtf is this. Don't love then don't love. Don't say try. I don't care about your measly love lah can. fyl.

Been reading so many statuses/quotes from blogs and Facebook which I can really relate to. For example

Does family background plays an important role in a relationship?Look around you and think critically before you make a conclusion.
-Alexander The Grape Tan.

This I really have to agree. I think I've seen many. Either one of them with family probs eventually will 'cause the relationship to not work out. Perhaps you guys would beg to differ. Like you guys would say "You see har, if they really in love, love can conquer all"
Well, you see har, these people are actually dating, not married. Plus, eventually yes, it does happen. And yes, they are really in love? But break ups do happen in these cases.
Look at Romeo&Juliet, Rose and I don't know his name lah in the Titanic movie one. Got good ending or not? You dare tell me they not in love? Its really hard lah :[

Would you rather be with
A) Someone that loves you more than you love them
B) Someone that loves you but with less intensity than you love them
(This assumes somehow that Love is measurable)
Obviously in the perfect world, we all want the same sort of love we give to be given back to us. But let's just say we're in a situation where we have to choose between A and B. I've been asking this question to a few of my closest friends, and to my surprise I've been getting rather mixed responses.
Some say being with someone that loves you more is the best security blanket. You know that person will always be there, regardless of what you've done. And in time you will learn to love the person just the same. I quite liked these responses in general. Everything's safe - especially your heart.
I was almost sold on situation A (almost). Until one very wise friend :) said something along the lines of this:
"If you choose A, you'll never get the chance to feel the rush of being so dangerously in-love. To miss someone so much that it hurts. To have your heart skip a beat (or two) whenever he looks at you." -readrebekah.blogspot.com

Need I say much?

I have this weird bad habit. Whenever I am in a bad mood. I shop. I don't cry I don't nothing. Just shop. Back then in high school days, I didn't really have much spare cash, I go Popular to splurge on stationaries also shuang. I just needed to buy something. And sometimes I just buy loadsa junk I regret buying. But recently I splurged on a Longchamp, loving it so far. Haven't regretted yet. I hang it on a chair by my bed. Every morning wake up look at her also happy lah wei. Yeah, I was mad bad mood before I went shopping in Zurich. Gah, I need a shrink XD. I once read in a forum, most usual habits for girls to get over something are eating, sleeping, shopping, drinking and crying. So I am not so weird right? Maybe I should change to sleeping, can save more money you see.

Getting out of point anyway. So yeah. I am emo. Emo. Emo can?!
Don't ask me stuffs already. Promise to come back with a happier post.

And you, just to let you know I am fine. Alive and kicking. But I just needed to be alone. Like since when....

I just so need to teleport to Cai Ling right now. :[[[[[

Ok bye. I will be happy! Promise. Afterall I am done with work in eleven days, I should have time to rearrange my mood/feelings then. Bye!

If only.

2011-03-17T17:07:00.003+01:00

Typed an effin long post for Luzern but while I was typing it, Angel called me and we talked till she lost her voice and "boom" lost my mood to blog liao and decided to blog 'bout it one week later which is now :p . Blame her :ppp (It amazes me how effin became a vowel)
Hah, anyways I will shorten my post, more pictures than words. 'Cause not exactly in the mood right now but I pulak feel like blogging. Women, never understand their feelings eventhough I am one. Hah.
Always in a dilemma one :DDD

So basically this post will be about Luzern and Zurich but very ringkas. I am pro at ringkasan and rumusan :p

First meal of the day. Finally Asian food after so long but didn't enjoy the meal that much because of some China woman. GAH. Hate those species. Will talk about that next time.

Shopping whole day with Bi Phuah and met up with lecturer. This was my dinner at school.

I entered the restaurant with shorts and hoodie, awesome eh? I got special permission. LOL at Angelina with food in her mouth.

I stayed another night in Luzern in Angelina's room and left at 4.30am to the train station to get my ass back to Zuoz for work. I miss Luzern all the time. :[

After a super hectic month, February and half of March, I finally get full days off. And sayang suggested we should go to Zurich. I was mad excited of course since I've seen nothing in Zurich except the airport, train station and the firework. Epic fail lah me.

The monkey was my V Day present to him. And the hamster is I. Look alike not?

Finally cut my fringe after so long. Dare not cut my fringe in my own house because my housemates will yell. Super clean freak loh she.

And I cut his mushroom head also. I am awesome!

On the way to Zurich.

I finally see green. WOAH so sick of white wei.

The buzy city!!! I miss cities man! Stay in mountain for so long also can become tarzan already. Oh yee oh yee ohhhhhhh

Stylish people everywhere. Woots!

Chicken Gourmet for lunch. *Refuses to say McD because Chicken Gourmet sounds so pro*

My virgin visit to Zara. Fail right, never been to Zara before. But he ended up shopping and trying on more clothes than I did. Prices I buay tahan leh and I too fat, I look ugly in everything. *cries*

I love the wind+sun! Not cold at all! I miss spring and summer!

Bumped into Ben and we decided to chill at Bintangbucks. Choc Frappucino, nong time no see you!

He is tired + sien already.

Hugeass Apple store. Like seriously they have about 30 iPads for you to play and 5 Macbooks(for every model) for you to try. Like super huge and two story somemore. Note those people, there are playing games on the iPads. WTH.

H&M I haven't explored you enough. Nevermind, we will meet again :p

Art of the bad photographer. I was running across the street while taking this. Damn regret never take nice pictures that day. Busy shopping jer.

Train station.

Burberry my love. I must get the wallet. MUST!

*Hyperventilates* Longchampppppppppp

On the way to Klosters Dorf for dinner.

Settled down at this pizzaria called Al Berto. I love that place. My third time there. This dude's been craving for the schnecken which means snails. I refuse to say snails because the image of those things in our padang keeps appearing. I have no idea those snails we ordered are those from the grass or the sea

-.-'''

He said it tasted like heaven. oookay. I took up some courage and tried it. It was really nice, except you shouldn't imagine it as a snail -.-'''

The sauce is damn nice. If got white rice then shiok.

Pizza, nyams. With champignons, beef and some stuffs.

Balik rumah after that.

My Longchamp! Purposely took it in the morning because Cai Ling was mad excited that I got a Longchamp finally. So she wants to see "her" picture and be "her" godma. -.-

At night brought my luggages to sayang's house(nearer to airport). I know you guys are yawning already. Ok lah, I will end my post asap.

Recently life hasn't been easy. I just take it as a karma I should receive. One thing I regret, for rambling about it to someone. I shouldn't have. Because it changes nothing and it just gave someone a chance to despise me? Maybe its time for me to be strong and grow up and face whatever. Come what may. To you, am sorry but thanks. Ok bai.

Oh and I want a makeover when I go back to Malaysia. Getting insecured about my looks more and more. Time for a change? Heh. Random. Ok, bye fo real.

2 more weeks till the end of internshipppppppp!!!!!!!!!!

2011-03-11T17:30:00.001+01:00

Sometimes being overconsiderate towards someone's feelings which you didn't even cause is not an option. Its their problem. Leave it to them. Maybe we can feel bad, but harm is done. What can we do? hmm. Point is, mend it. Not keep brooding over it. :]

When you are still holding on to your past, thinking why is it like that, why did I do that? The rest had already left you behind and went on with their lives with a smile on their faces while you having a frown. Think to yourself, is it even worth it?

While you are thinking about mistakes you've made, the rest already mended theirs and went on with their lives. Because they learnt from the mistakes.

If only March only has 28 days.

2011-02-27T21:30:00.003+01:00

Its the last day of February tomorrow! Gosh seriously didn't felt like it was a month already. It was just like days ago since everyone was wishing each other on Facebook Happy CNY and now we're entering March? Reluctant for time to fly at the same time I want it too. Because for certain things; they were much better before and I cannot wait for certain things to happen :]

My week was pretty okay I guess. Started with early shifts throughout the week, get to go home early and not knowing what to do with my life. Met boyfiee twice this week, thought of being with him for our 7th month which was pretty much useless. Whatever. And was a pretty busy week so time obviously passed kinda fast for me. Didn't have time to go to supermarket which is why this hungry person is typing a very grumpy post right now.

No picture posts for now because no fast internet connection till early March. Fast! See, one reason why I want time to past :p No Kdrama no Youtube channels for me for now. Dang, I am super bored. If only I have fast connection, I don't mind having days off seriously. But if I am stuck home with this slow connection I would have a BF seriously. Lol White Chicks. Bitch Fit! :p

Tomorrow would be the first day of me working without that crazy bitch. Nice moments :]
And day after tomorrow, hello March! and hello spring!

Was browsing the photos. Again. How time flies. I miss the room 69 times. Those were the times when there were only me and Cai Ling. I was always sorta an introvert, don't really like mixing with new people lah. Sharing and bitching about people in that cosy room. Making jokes because of our bathroom habits. Nice times. Those were the times when I was also much loved by you(am I not lovable now?!), go to room 59 to crack jokes, make guys cook instant noodles for us, getting more attached to Raven and Angel, to peep at someone♥ who still reminds hot in my heart and of course the moments we travel around together. Internship truly sucks. It breaks everyone apart, throwing all of us to different parts of Switzerland. Yeah, this is one of the reason why I want to go back to the past. I miss my friends. and you. & i have one goal to achieve, to return to the old me. The i-don't-give-a-damn-Convent-girl-attitude.

Today, I spent 11 hours JUST being in front of the computer. Hate off days on weekends seriously. Everywhere closed, locked up in my room with a hungry tummy. Oh, did I mentioned I talked to few of my awesome friends today?! I am so happy. Chatted with Preetibah my first kiss and also Skyped for a min with her! Lamed with Cai Ling on each other's wall, Terry kor, Rachel mei, Jing Ming mosquito. Ah I miss them.

And yeah that pretty sums up my unproductive week.

"I am not clingy. I am just making double efforts for this relationship because you are not making any; I am not clingy, it is just because you never remind me that you love me anymore; I am not clingy, I just thought of making you feel important; I am not clingy, its just that I care more about us more than you care about me; I am not clingy, its just that I don't want to be selfish; I am not clingy, I am just happy to tell you everything that is happening in my life; I am not clingy, I just want to share everything with you; I am not clingy, I just enjoy your company; I am not clingy, I just love seeing you smile. It is alright I mean nothing to you now; But remember that, before you could even change your mind about me, a person might just walk into my life and let me know what I am worth. A person that makes me feel important, who sees the best in me like you never did. Then, I would be that heartless person you made me into, heartless enough to walk away; and before you could even regret, I will be THE GIRL who will never ever look back again. Because you just don't know her enough."

2011-02-27T01:45:00.002+01:00

This is encrypted: ***

2011-02-23T22:39:00.002+01:00

This is encrypted: ***

Ask for the password in Twitter or Facebook or Formspring(non anonymously)

2011-02-22T20:20:00.003+01:00

Never knew jealousy could be this strong. Never knew small matters can make one feel like shit.

To get over it soon or to go forward?

and mom, stop reading my blog. Paiseh gosh

Connections

2011-02-21T23:28:00.001+01:00

I always have too much time in the world after work. But after work its already 4-5am in Malaysia and no one chats with me already :[ Then I will be bored to death or fat to death because I will be stuffing myself with junkfood because I am bored.

While I was at my thinking chair(yes, you should know where) I started thinking about couples. There so many kind of lovers around me really. In my restaurant I see those in their 40s or 50s, some of the couples' their daughters already older than me, they still hold hands until the food is ready they still can't bear to let go that kind. When having dessert if the lady has some ice-cream at the corner of her lips, the man would kiss it off for her. And I am talking about this couple at their 40s. Walao, if my parents do that I will be disgusted until I fart man. Maybe its an ang moh thing, if we see people doing that in Malaysia, how would you react? But to me depends also how the couple looks like lah :p

First up. The oh-so-sweet couple. The kind you know, the boy and girl will write on each other's wall on Facebook. And the BOY actually writes more than the girl at times. And in real life, they ARE that sweet. I think this cases usually happens on couple which the guy loves the girl more? The guy and girl would willingly make cards to celebrate their every month's "anniversary", go out every month for their "anniversary" that kind. Camwhore like there's no tomorrow like that. I seriously envy this kind of relationship lah, but I am not suitable for this kind of relationship I guess? Or maybe I shouldn't stereotype? Lols.

Next up, I-don't-know-what-to-name-this-kind-of-couple. They are way similar, they can connect about everything in their worlds together, both speak very "intelligently" in a sense, both are pillar of support, knock sense into each other, smack each other back into reality kind. This kind of couple, kahwin already lah. Like they don't talk all mushy and stuffs online and all but in reality both knows how they feel for each other, both knows that they can rely on each other. Haven't seen enough of this kind of couple around really.

Then we have the emo couple. Both guy and girl emo because the guy loves the girl sampai mati but he thinks the girl doesn't love him back and vice versa. Maybe they hardly talk or what because they're busy slitting their own wrist -.- But yeah, they often put like super emo quotes about each other padahal they love each other like hell. Usually happens on teenagers I guess. Crazy in love that kind.

The break-up-patch-up-couple. I am not even talking about those who break and patch for 2-3 times. I am talking about those that break every two weeks and patch up that kind. Really such an exaggeration at times. Some maybe for the right reasons and then they break and then they realise their feelings then patch again. But I think you shouldn't do that too much 'cause 1)you're gonna get tired of this relationship 2)there is no meaning of being "together" since you can break and patch so easily 3)WE are gonna get tired of seeing your relationship change on FB every week. -.-

Secretive couple. Those that very obvious they have something chummy going on, but when you look at their status, Single. No pictures taken together. But they write things like "I gonna whack you if you don't sleep harhzzz" "You are such a piggy orhs"
Cute. But. Errr. And some secretive couples are NOT like the ones I stated above. They do have pictures tagged together but with big bunch of friends and they do not show their affection online or what. But in real life you can see them holding hands and what not lah of course. Usually this kind couple last quite long one leh. I also don't know why. Maybe they break up also nobody knows or because they are secretive, nobody tries to break them up and stuff. And of course their characters lah.

Princess and slave couple. I was once in this. HAHA. But really, kesian the guy sometimes. This kind of relationship, the guy would do ANYTHING for the girl. Like the sweetest thing on earth and people who reads the girl's FB or blog would go wahhhhhh but behind all those "glamours" contains sweat, tears, arguments and what nots. But of course, the girl has the good girlfriend days but the boy in this relationship usually stays very low profile.

Long-distance relationship couple. KL-JB, Overseas-JB, Singapore-JB or wherever lah. I salute this LDR that works out. Been in one and its hard. Really. But my LDR between Zuoz-Luzern which is almost the same as KL-JB worked out! :D I have a friend who has a bf in Australia and she is in JB. I asked her how she maintained her relationship, she told me it really needs lotsa trust. It was hard for them at the beginning and things just got stronger later on. Then I asked her "No guys like you meh?"
Since she was quite a catch, you see. Anyway she said, "I don't even let them have the chance to be close to me, much more fall for me?"
I like what she said, and I started living up that "quote" but somehow I think. You need to see who that guy is. 'Cause you building up the trust for him to have on you, but on the other hand he is slowly falling out of love for you, and you lose all your guy friends? So hard right. Thats why. Need lots of trust.

This is also another relationship which I don't know what to name but basically its like..erm..
The guy is like a block. Doesn't show emotions or anything. Making the gf feel like "Walao he loves me or not?" that kind. Makes the gf feels insecure 'cause she never knew how he felt for her. But actually he does, and she shows it in small actions. I rather have this relationship at times. At least he really loves me. Rather than the guy acting nice and sweet to me but secretly he already falling out of love with me. WTF right. Susah.

I am very sleepy now and I need to do my laundry. Sorry if this post made you yawn. I myself also yawning like lols. Maybe one day I read back I feel like this post is crap I will delete it. For now let me amuse myself for a bit. BYE!

Its the end of February already?

2011-02-21T13:26:00.001+01:00

Time flies like crazy! But its good! Because it means that I am going back to Malaysia soon! Woohoo!
Okay, too many (!!!) in a sentence. But I am so friggin happy sial! Usually my friends who studies in Aussie, UK or wheverer, return to Malaysia at least twice a year? Like about once every half a year or so. Some even more often. Me? Its been almost a year, and I am flying home exactly the same date as I flew off last year. Awesome. One year anniversary with Switzerland in Zurich Airport. Woots!

February is somehow not the month for me. Lotsa things going on in my life, some small changes, bad changes. But its ok, I will assure March will be a better month and I will start fixing things up in March. :]
You know, sometimes I can't even rant freely without letting my mom know. Somehow she is in this corner of the cyberspace but I don't know where. Sometimes she suddenly asks me stuffs that I didn't even rant in blog/FB/Twitter. Who is the traitor! Or maybe she sees some emo posts and then she starts imaginining in exaggeration mode. Hmms. Moms, always worry about everything.

I am pretty much left with one month of work and then I am free! My only worry is my luggage and I haven't bought souveniers for home yet. I mean for friends and stuff. Seriously, can I treat you guys a meal rather than buying stuffs ah? I have to drag one year worth of stuffs home wei. Mati lah like that.

I will miss/I will not miss Switzerland. Guess I will have to find out the answer when I am home. But I will definitely be happier back home. Malaysia Boleh! ♥

Hmms, I think things will get better. If it doesn't then it was just not meant to be. :]

You know I just can't smile without you.

2011-02-17T22:09:00.003+01:00

Its going to be a pretty emo post. Just to warn you guys. Things that are happening to me these few days are just too much for me to deal. Yes I know, I've always been emo. But to be exact, all the while I was pretty much homesick/lazy for work. Not emo. Now is different. The emo-ness that is growing in me now is making me a cannibal. No connection but yeah. I feel like eating humans up.

For about two days, been facing some small relationship problems, plus my very own talent of overreacting, things did not get better until now. I am at lost. My friends would know, since last time I talk to my dogs when I am emo/pissed etc etc and so I requested my sister to show me pictures of Simba and Snoopy. It never occurred to me that they are gone already. Then, no response from her. I started suspecting. My sister posts random pictures of my things in FB and blog, how come it never occurred to me that the dogs never once appeared in her blog ever since I came to Switzerland? I started getting all melodrama and worked up. True enough, my mom called me and told the truth, Simba died not long after I flew to Switzerland. My world just shattered into pieces, I can tell you I am tearing while typing this very sentence. I am really lost. The feeling is worst than being dumped by a guy, failing SPM*not that I failed before* and having period pains. Its much worse.

Mom told me that Simba was "supposed" to die long ago according to the vet, but he didn't because labs apparently do not die in front of its REAL master. But no leh, I once read that labs want to die in front of whoever that brought him home when it was baby. Anyway yeah, one month after I left for Switzerland, he died.

The whole scenario was pretty heart breaking. The Astro people came to fix something in my house and both Snoopy and Simba ran off. My dad wasn't around and my gma has a cast on her leg, nobody chased after them. Then my sister walked all the way out near to the main road to search for them when she's home. For days they were missing. After that someone told my father that he saw my Snoopy around Holiday Plaza area, so my dad went. He found Simba lying by the road and Snoopy was gone. Simba looked at my father and took his last breath. Hearing this breaks my heart even more. He died by the ROAD? and I didn't hold him in my arms till he died. Who am I to call myself its master? Then my uncle told my dad he saw someone carrying Snoopy away when Snoopy was accompanying Simba. FUCK THAT PERSON. SNOOPY ONLY HAS SIMBA AS THE BROTHER AND YOU TOOK HIM AWAY WHEN SNOOPY WANTED TO ACCOMPANY ITS BROTHER TILL SIMBA'S LAST SECOND? I don't care if you like my dog but its my dog. BUT ITS MY DOG. When I find out where Snoopy lives now, I might let you continue to rare him if you really take care of him, but PLEASE HAVE THE FUCKING COURTESY CAN. FUCK YOU. Snoopy must be very timid now without me, because Snoopy only listens to me and he is only attached to me. My heart is really very very painful now.

I am at mess. Simba and Snoopy never once displeased me. Not even when I was 6, he ran and hit me till I was covered with bruises. Instead I got up and rode on him. Not even when Snoopy pee-ed on my books, not even when Snoopy ate my hamster. Not once I was pissed with them. Simba brought joy to my life since 1998, and now.. I don't feel like going home all of the sudden. Because all I see is Simba's ashes. Yeah my dad cremated Simba.

I lost my confidante I don't know what to do. He died on the same day I met sayang. Like they always say. God will take away something from you, He will will give you something in return as well. God is fair. Yeah, sayang really made me happy for these few months. But sorry to say, I would exchange everything to have Simba back. I know, I am going to 'cause lotsa controversy by saying this, but. Really Simba can't be replaced and he has never once made me teared, at least. He only time he is making me cry is now. Because he left.

Snoopy, I hope I can find you.

My lazy darling :[

Simba when he was young, he is always by my bed since day 1 in Switzerland.

... and also Snoopy.

Simba Heng

Feb 1998-May 2010

2011-02-15T16:49:00.001+01:00

Perhaps, if I disappear and I change all my contacts then things might be different. I lose ALL my contacts with you, Facebook, Blogger, etc. Without me in your life, you can make the amendments you need to make. She can regain her smile or rather, hope again. Isn't that wonderful? And I can stop having nightmares already. Because I feel like a b****.

Changed person?

2011-02-11T15:51:00.003+01:00

Am a reader of a rather popular blogger in Singapore, Tammy Tay if you guys know. Her blog is ohsofickle.blogspot.com. I stumbled upon her blog because she was the winner of camqueen and then I found her link through someone's page. At first I was a reader because I think she's pretty and stuff so I kind followed her blog, to see her fashion updates and also her outings. Then I came across this post about her being a pyscho gf, I somehow can relate to that.

Unknowingly, I felt like I became an insecured b**** and gets sensitive over the silliest matter.
I've never been so attach-y to someone and being so annoying. Well, I find myself annoying for being so annoying lah. I miss my boyfriend eventhough we haven't met for like 2 days? Thats just stupid. I am being too manja. I miss my old self. Kind of independent and usually is the guy who wants to see me and stuff. Now I am afraid of the day my bf would finally tell me "Hey look, we're meeting to often. Don't come and find me anymore".
When that day comes I am gonna explode! Why am I being such a weirdo now?

Tammy also mentioned she quarreled with her boy a lot because of the ex-bfgf issues. For me too. It wasn't really an issue but sometimes I would compare myself a lot and then get all insecure and inferior and nonsense. At least I don't say it in his face, I just keep making myself emo yada yada. Its really uncalled for, you know? He always would tell me its the past and it doesn't really matter anymore. But of course, its his responsibility to care for its ex, but its just caring, nothing more. Yeah I get it, I really do but sometimes I just can't help it? I feel indebted towards her in a way and I am incomparable to her. She's just THE girl, but not HIS kinda girl. Sadly. Why are girls always so insecure? Is it because I am fat and not pretty that I am insecure? If that is the case, slim down Everlyn Heng! Then again, does that make me feel better?

Another issue is I think that we can't really "connect". Like we don't really understand each other stuffs. I admit I have a very weird personality and its hard to guess what am I even thinking of, I have strange mood swings and I think I piss him off at times. I am so afraid he will get sick of me. He doesn't smile and laugh as much as we first started. He says its because he is tired from work but is that really the case? Or he is just tired of us? :[ I just left his side one hour ago, I have this strange stabbing feeling in me. I always feel strange and bad when I leave him. I feel like he doesn't enjoy being by my side and I am in the wrong for looking him up. Looking him up = making him unhappy. I am always assuming things. Thats really bad.

Thing is, I really treasure this relationship. I don't ask for anything/last forever or anything but even if it were to end, I want it to end happily and not because of my childish acts. Well just a random post to rant a bit. Its not exactly a post for you guys to judge me or whatever. (I know some of you who have your own thinking gonna say "If you don't want anyone to judge you then don't post lor").
Kao, I don't know who and how to tell it out, I cannot write it in my blog lah now?
Anyway for those who have experience on how to handle this kind of situation, teach me! :]

Bye! Have a great weekend ahead people!

Brother from a different mother.

2011-02-10T23:28:00.001+01:00

This post is dedicated to my godbro of mine, who's like a brother I've never had. Was on the phone with him just now, felt nostalgic and all the fond memories started to flow when I was pooping. Ok, the pooping part damn potong, but toilet bowl is my thinking chair.

Its been 3 years since we met, well we met at the end of 2008 lah, so practically not 3 years yet -.-

Anyway he is one special guy, one of the people with the heart of gold but I would say turquoise because I don't like gold nor silver. Sometimes he is so friggin weird, I don't even know what on Saturn he is thinking.

Remember the first time we met? Not exactly met, but I started noticing you because of your annoying MSN muahahaha laughter. I was like telling the rest of my friends "Is this dude trying to get our attention or what?" Tsk. But well, it sure got mine. And then later that night you offered your seat to me as the bus was full but I kind of moved away because everyone back there was speaking Cantonese, which I cannot understand at all and I think you are weird. So I rather stand in front with my friends.

Later on, you flooded my mailbox. My first 3 messages, one was from Andrew Heng, saying I am a good drawer but I think he meant good artist, one was from Kok Keong saying thank you Hot Chick member and one more, of course, from you.

"Why so serious?"

At the end of the camp, it was hard to leave, I even felt like crying because I thought am not gonna see you ever again. Lol the drama. Never felt so attached to someone before, maybe because I never had an elder bro and you acted like one?

Eh you last time more handsome leh, why har?

This is your mail box but with my messages from others in it. I supposed you're keeping my childishly drawn mailbox? :]

You were so near to my Mr Perfect except for the height. LOL. But, I am glad we are godsibs and we didn't become lovers. OMGOSH that would be soooooooo totally weird. Ya ya godsibs forever!

Although we only met once a year, but I am happy. The times you came down to JB just to support me and find me because I was stressed out for SPM and when I went to KL for nursing, you took care of me. And drew a picture of my apartment -.-'''

Drove to my rundown lauya apartment near Old Klang to bring me out of there early in the morning with just one call because I was scared yada yada. Then brought me to Mid Valley keke.

Ran to toilet after you appeared behind my room door. Scared the shit outta me!

Was at lost when you appeared when I got home from tuition.

Nothing to do with this post but I just miss my room!

Stressed out Bio days.

Bio+Highlighter+Short hair days.

Wet hair-no need wipe hair days

T shirt and hoody from you! I miss the hoody lots though.

When I was young....

This year, hopefully everything works out so that I can see you more often in KL! Because you always take care of me like how you did for Sabrina. HAHA seriously, get a girlfriend man! Your sisters aren't your everything, although we would annoy you like mad, but seriously, get a da sao for us!

Am glad to have someone who has the same thinking, same dreams, interest, lameness, believes, opinions. Although this doesn't really matter, but you have the exact same religion as me, makes it easier for you to knock some sense into me when things are not right :]

I have another godbro since I was 14, but we were never as close because we think different and I am just not exactly his priority or whatever. And a few younger godbros which I can't even remember their names -.-'''

So erm, enjoy life and I hope to get your fire-y Adidas asap! xoxoxo gor!

The Hamster's Adventure

2011-02-10T00:21:00.002+01:00

Been wanting to sum out my so-called adventure for the past month. Been travelling so much with the train and the amount of tickets scares me. Not to mention the amount money spent on them. But not so sim tia because its my own money, not like I spend my parents' money like water.

The reason why I've been travelling so much is because
1) Sayang stays kinda far away from me
2) I feel damn stressed here in Zuoz, my only friend is the cow. Ok lah, not cow. Cow and sheep.
3) I hate being alone.
4) I love shopping! I would finally admit, yes I am a spendthrift. Last time I don't admit because I was kinda kiam (not my money mah) and when I get my gaji (for being art teacher) I will splurge on my art stuffs like mad!
5) I like taking pictures tho am bad at it.
6) I like to dress up sui sui go everywhere.
7) Drool at ang mohs. Heh.

Basically the places I went are around my area only lah, Klosters, Kublis, St. Moritz, Davos, Samedan, Celerina etc etc

Shall not loh soh any further. I will caption all the pictures so you get the flow. :]

View from train on the way to Kublis

I finally see green! Its covered with snow at my area you see.

I find this the coolest bridge ever!

The ah pek who never bothers to dress up since he is going to work after the meal. *required to wear a chef's hat anyway and his hair oredi 3 months didn't cut lor!

My so-so seafood soup. Its a lunch menu set btw.

The main course, fish. My life.

Yang's rosti with eggs.

Been eating a lot at Alpina because yang is the fan of the chef, has 17 points for Gault Millau and lotsa other stuffs lah. Culinary student mah, you see. And I am a pig. Great combo. :p

Swiss Army practicing the jets. I like this picture btw.

... and this too.

..and this.

Burger from yang! xoxo.

Makan at Alpina again! The tomato soup was nice.

Yang's salad.

Ah Pek look.

His main course.

My main course, fish, again lols.

Our dessert! The waiter cheated us! We asked for the dessert of the day, he said panna cotta. So we said, ok, we'll have that. But then its not! Its panna cotta(most right) with vanilla ice cream and creme brulee. And its costs only 7.50CHF! What a pleasant surprise. Feel so contented after eating it :]

On the way to St. Moritz, Top Of The World. Was camwhoring with earphones on and then the conductor stand beside me see me camwhore as i did not hear/notice him. Memalukan sia. Wai my face so red! Am I drunk? Lols.

Celerina. Ski park.

Super scary escalator, I poo-ed right after I get off from it. Was so scared. I got slight phobia of heights lah.

Castle hotel.

Where all the expensive goods at.

This dog is mad awesome!

Ice sculpture that never melts. Lols. The weather is colder than the friggin ice lah wei.

Met Nilufar coincidentally! So happy to see someone I know at this area! She is doing he intern in St. Moritz btw.

D&G

My lunch/dinner. Cordon Bleu.

Damn regret ordering this lor. Not nice.

Banana split!

Alpina with yang again. This time only took picture of the dessert because I wasn't in a good mood after yang kinda shut me up. Then I no mood take pics already.

Went to Davos after lunch to find for Longchamp. Wasted trip but I got some goodies. Pictures at the end of the post.

This was just yesterday. Brought yang to this pizzaria which is quite famous but he never had the chance to. I tried the food there myself once, it was quite good and so I dragged him to give him a treat. My uber expensive piccata but I was yearning for it so much like a pregnant woman having her cravings. No, I am not pregnant. I just eat a lot. Gosh.

After lunch I went to Chur, alone. That very moment I miss my darling so much. I want to go shopping with you Cai Ling! I hate hate hate shopping alone, being alone!

Goodies from Claire. They're all in a goodie bag that costs about RM20. But you never know what is inside. Every goody bag is also different. I must say I am kind of surprised! Because the things were originally quite expensive.

Kinda like these bows.

Giving it to my sis since this is her initial. Lame. I was like =.= when I got this.

Almost bought the hairband for RM30 ori price, thank goodness I did not. Its less than 1 buck now since I got it from the goody bag! Super love these offers. Oh yeah, this goody bag is only for kids under 18 and 15. I cheated the lady with my looks. Wahahahahaha.

Meet my new friend. Baby Bear. The one beside it is me!

Super love my Adidas from Chur! I crave this more than Crumpler actually. I don't know why. I always wanted a Adidas like this. Last time I had so $$$ I bought a bag like this from Les Coq Sportif for 20 Sing Dollar. When I was 14, these kinda bags were kinda in fashion lah. So quite easy to find then. Pretty, but kinda heavy by its own and the shape kinda changes after being used a while. Oh wells. But one thing about this Adidas is, there is no shoulder pad! Gah, I like those shoulder pads thingy.

It has both sides! I wanted to buy the whole green one, but this one both sides also can use ler, so I bought this one.

Some random glitter spray from the goody bag. Doubt I would ever use it in daily life lah. Lols.

Finally bought something good for my Mac, poor you, being scratch and hit around all these while.

Pong pong fen! Saw those people in nv ren wo zui da using powder like this to make their hair more volumized, and its really a big difference! But I cannot find it anywhere and they say Taiwan only easier to find. But I found it in Switzerland! Awesome babeh.

and something to pamper my hair. My hair is UTTERLY destroyed because of winter. Worse than a broom. I miss my old hair's quality :[[

Oh and some tops from H&M. No pics because I left them at yang's.

So my adventure/shopping adventure ends here for now because I have no more off days for this month! FML. Bye!!!!!

大地回春

2011-02-03T23:21:00.003+01:00

Cool or not the rabbits. HAHAHA

Happy Chinese New Year people!

How did you guys celebrated your "chu-yi"?
I celebrated mine by not having to work. It is like a blessing already although I am not celebrating it this year lah.
Actually it made no difference also as NOONE is celebrating it here anyways -.-'''
I actually miss the feeling of "chu-yi". I am always the most excited on in the family even until when I was already 17. I was more excited than my sis. Few weeks before CNY I keep having fashion shows in my living room with my new clothes. And then and then bug mom to deco the house when she doesn't have the mood yet. Keep showing off my new sheets and tie red ribbons on my dogs and painted Sneefee's nails red and pink last year. HAHAHA

On the first day I will wake up the EARLIEST among my family and choose the best outfit among the new clothes(mostly red or pink or any auspicious colours). Then will blast CNY songs by Astro on the TV. Aihs, miss that atmosphere so much. CNY is one of celebrations I enjoy most of all times :]
Mom sms-ed me, I felt like crying. Thank goodness I didn't call her, if not I sure burst into tears. She hardly sees me cry. She assumes I am a strong person, actually no. I cry as much as any cry babies but only thing I like to hide when I cry. So if she hears me crying, she gonna feel bad/kesian on me/heartache etc etc. Cannot!

Anyway went to St. Moritz, Top of The World yesterday to have a break for myself. Like wandering alone in the little expensive city, when I say expensive, its really expensive. Saw this jacket which is quite ok looking, but not really gorgeous bla bla bla but it costs RM 12,000. I was like, what kind of brand is this? Never see this in other country also. Meh. And they have LV, Hermes, Dolce&Gabana, lol I type banana just now =.=, Bogner, Rolex, Cartier, bla bla bla but no Longchamp. WTF is this man, my purpose was to buy a Longchamp for my mummy because I just received my tips few days ago. Wapiang waste my time and money. Grrrr.

Today went to Davos Platz after having lunch with my idiot. Kinda wasted trip also and no Longchamp also! WTFFFFFFFFFF but got myself nice goodies from Claire's. Its like a goody bag with 10 items in it, but you don't know what's in it. And I got myself two bags, it costs about 7CHF each and trust me, I was really surprised with the stuffs in it. Some of it are stuffs I wanted to buy before, but I didn't because they were kinda ex before they were on sale in the goody bag. Wow. Happy girl. Pictures up next time because am blogging on sayang's lappy and I did not install my cam's program in his lappy.

I miss Malaysia. This is prolly the 7th Million time I am saying this but I really wish to be a millionaire right now. I fly back this instant and come back the next day. Lols. Or better I teleport, faster leh :p

I think I have a problem. Sayang's boss is the 4th person who identified this bad habit of mine. Wah, sound so serious. Some people actually told me before my eye contact wanders when talking. Well, have asked a few of my friends, those really close ones because the close ones supposed to tell me the truth. They said no. Cailing said no. But to Ber, dotty, creamy my chicos I think am fine. Or am I like that also? To you twink, am I like that? But a few of my Swiss friends said it to me before. They say only when I am doing presentation or when talking to teacher my eyesight do not wander. Okay, so I googled it out. My conclusion is, I have inferiority complex. Oh no!

I look confident and outspoken to most people but I realised I am actually quite inferior. Of course, I don't bring people down to make myself confident, it does not work that way. I realised that I need assurance and praise quite a lot. Oh no. That is going to make the people around me real tired. 'Cause they gotta praise me all the time. Even with sayang I know I am like that. Because I always at every moment I feel like I am easily replaced and insignificant. To Terry kor I am not sure wor. Hmm. But anyway you guys no need to praise me lah, I will change! But hor, I think the reason why I am okay with Ling, is because she gives me confidence and I know she loves me. To my mom and the rest of my family as well. Conclusion is, to the people I can rely on/feel comfortable with/gives me assurance I am fine. This is a real bad habit. Gotta get outta your comfort zone Everlyn Heng! Ever had this kind of experience when talking to me? Tell me! I need to change! Gahhhhhh. This is something I really don't like. Eye contact is VERY important!

Okay, I know enough of words. I guess readers don't like to read wordy posts? Anyway I also got a handful of readers only lah, so bye!!!!

Short update

2011-01-30T23:44:00.001+01:00

Back to work after 1 week off. Ah well, not exactly one week off but have been working part time everyday at Klosters. There goes my off days. The work is 100% more hectic than my own job(its a damn famous restaurant and can meet many famous people :p), reach home around 1am everyday and sleep at 3am/4am and wake at noon of I have late duty or 8am if I have early duty. I get kinda frustrated by the long hours but to be honest, I would give up my current job to work there. I feel like I am home over there. Nice food, nice people, friends everywhere, nice customers and BIGGER supermarket. Food keke.

Prolly I did mention that I felt lucky to be here. I am. Like I have short working hours etc etc but the Portuguese never fail to piss me off everyday. I am alone here. I get homesick here. Boss got friggin PMS everytime one. When they're nice they're really nice. Buay tahan. Can I take back my words? Juniors! ~~Don't work in my hotel~~ :pppppp Hahaha.

3 more days to CNY. Another celebration without my family by my side. No new clothes, no new underwear, no goodies, no ba gua. I miss everything! And the worst part is my mom never update me about anything back home. Good or bad, she just wants me to concentrate. This makes me even harder to concentrate! 'Cause I'll be guessing/letting mai imaginations run wild. Yikes! HAHA.

Anyway I wish everyone back there

Happy Chinese New Year!!!!!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!! 新年快乐.

(I don't know if its even correct or not lols!)

Have a great rabbit ~~ear~~, lols year and collect many many angbows! Send some ba gua to me! :p

BTW there is a list of things I need to do before I go back

Make snowman with ♥
Deregister myself from Switzerland. Important! Cannot forget!
Go Chur with ♥
Go Al Berto Pizza with ♥
Cancel Orange contract
Buy stuffs for mama, adik, godma, ah gor, ah ma, auntie, Ber, Twine and Jie. Cannot buy so many stuffs for all my friends lah, sorry. No space. But will bring some chockies back for u guys though!

Ok, why am I planning already when I still have 2 more months. Ok chill, don't get too excited here. :D

Ahhh been having lotsa wild thoughts and mood swings recently. I don't think I can ever let go :]

But give me some time ok. :] I will be back to normal soon. Sometimes girls just need to be assured, to have a sense of security, to be reminded how important they are, to be aware of who we are to you, to be knocked some sense into. Sorry for being so emo-fied for the past few days.

A teddy bear ♥ bought for me for no reason. Thanks :]

He named it Baby Bear. I named it Stupid Bear. Which one more awesome!? Stupid Bear right!

Oh man, I don't know what to say. You just wasted 3 minutes of your life reading this. Should just end here. BYE!

2011-01-26T00:36:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I do wish to get into an accident and lose all my memory and start all over again. Lets say I lost and forgotten every single thing of my past.

2011-01-19T17:18:00.002+01:00

My birthday :]
Many asked me did I have a great birthday? How was my birthday?
Many wished me happy birthday and have a blast. How to have a blast I?
This year is my saddest birthday ever.
1) I am working, no one even knows it is my birthday. No one even wished me. Ok lah, not that I despo I want attention or what, somewhat it just feels so empty not having my friends and family by my side.
2) Got nagged by lady boss early in the morning.
3) Was alone throughout my birthday.
4) No cake.
5) No family by my side.
6) No fried bee hoon (which I usually have every year)
7) I eat shit for dinner (the Portuguese chef really cannot cook)

A day before 16th, sayang brought me to a hotel to eat. But then I was not even eating at ease because sayang gotta rush to work(but he insisted to have a "birthday" meal with me) so I was practically rushing. Food was good, dessert was great(fail to take photos of dessert, everytime). Got a present from sayang. No complains, but on my birthday itself I have no idea why I felt kind of down and empty and emo. Nevertheless, I got lotsa wishes in FB and some Malaysian friends actually wasted their credit to sms me. I feel very very touched definitely, but the loneliness made me want to fly home that very instant. I even went to lady boss to volunteer to let her sack me (my minimum working period is over) but she said she needs me. Aiks.

The end my birthday, sayang called me and sang me a birthday song, actually about 4 of them. In different languages :] ultra cute. He wanted to rush to my place to accompany me till my birthday's over, but he was scared of the Portuguese people will complain me to my lady boss so he didn't come. You should've came sayang T.T

Special thanks to people who called me and said really nice things. You know who you are :]
The silly video you, fatty made for me. You must be busy working and tired after that and no time to read this but I ♥ you. :>
And my friends back in Malaysia who take the energy and credit to message me, I am very touched. You guys know who you are as well. You guys made my ~~day~~ night(only saw the messages after I finish work) but also you guys are evil. Because you guys made me even more homesick and I want to go home that very instant. I love you guys :]]]

My birthday present from sayang! <3

You see! 16:59p.m. Swiss time I called you. Aiks!

And a BIG shoutout to my Twink, Happy Birthday! This year you are older than me because of the time difference! And it so silly I called the wrong number. Aiks! But I love you! I am happy that you had an awesome birthday with Jie Han. Next year I will have a great one too because I'll be celebrating it in Malaysia, hopefully! <3

2011-01-12T18:00:00.001+01:00

Waseh, finally get to blog again! I am so pissed at myself for being so careless (I highlighted the whole post instead of one picture) and pressed delete! Oh my tian. I hate myself even more for not knowing how to undo and I closed the friggin window, and then only found out Ctrl + z is undo delete. Ki siao man!

Anyway practically this post is about Cai Ling's off day! I know right, Cai Ling's off day guan wo pi shi, but its because she accompanied me for about 4 days :]] I am so very happy.
On Monday night, she took a train and stayed for a night in my apartment. Had to assure my lady boss that Cai Ling is not a whale, will not consume so much water when she stays in my house. Heh. Kiamsiap employers.
We chit chatted till almost 2 am, so over my sleeping time. I sleep damn early during work. Well, practically got nothing to do mah. Had lotsa fun catching up :]]
I went to work the next day leaving her alone in my room to online. We went walking around Zuoz when I finished work and she fell in love with Zuoz, wtf??? Who in the right mind would? Gosh. Around 4 I went to work again and finished at 7! Weee! Because not many customers. Keke and we got ready and off we go to Kublis!

Waiting for train to Kublis!

Wai taim paz so sloooooowww

Cute doggie we spotted at the train station

Awwwzzz..

Cai Ling's stuff. Woah. The paper bag is a pillow I stole from my apartment for Cai Ling :p

No keys to enter sayang's apartment, stopped at a cafe for hot choco to wait for him.
FYI, he only came home about 2 hours later. Walao eh...

Talking on the phone, no one layan me. So I camwhored ._.

Went home the next morning for work, but stayed in Kublis later that night again dued to the stress in work I had. Wanna find someone to rant to!

Went I reached the apartment, Ling asked me if I wanted yogurt, I said anything lo, she stood up and she opened the window. Lol, was so expecting that man. Because I do that too lols.

Super spicy Pringles. I think both of us are equally addicted to it.

Errrr?

Trying to look lala... Success! hahahaha

Cai Ling: Eh eh can see my pimples leh!
Evy: Ok wait *Edit settings*

Pimples free!
Cai Ling: =________________= HAHAHAHA

I went back to work again the next morning with an excited mood. Because after that is my 2 lovely off days!
Pretty expensive travelling to and fro almost everyday. But I really dislike staying in my apartment. FYI, now they're having a week's off, they stay 24/7 in my house, my house stinks like shit right now.

Went to Kublis again right after work to get all excited with Cai Ling about Chur! Hiak hiak.

All set for a great day! *Can see sayang sleeping hahaz*

It was kind of a long ride to Chur. Aiks.

Wind was strong but it was like summer in Chur.

Around the train station

New Town of Chur. Shopping!

H&M haha. The moment we saw the size of H&M there, both of us were like, we are soooo dead man.

10CHF, 15CHF, convert to RM the price normal only lah, not cheap. For us, in Switzerland its like cheap!

This was on timer hahaha. We had about 4 pics in timer and passerby-s were looking at us weirdly. Keke

Timer pic phail

At McD. Was searching for this Asian restaurant but no avail. And then we got directions to this Thai restaurant but the price is like 100 ringgit for one plate of fried rice. No thanks. Ended up in McD.

2nd time of me taking pictures of rubbish bins/dumps. This is like those dumps where people throw their rubbish bags etc. I find it special mah, so take picture loh, mana tau kena laugh like the previous time in Lugano ._.

Waiting for exchange train from Landquart to Klosters. Lovin' the new train! <3

Me duwan go home :[[ lols

We ended up in Klosters(two stops after Kublis) because Cai Ling wanted to explore and play snow. Sua ku, like never see snow before like that haha. And then we took the last train to go back to Kublis to rest :]]

Wanted to build a snowman but it ended up looking like a boob -.-

Waiting for the last train back to Kublis!

Had hot choco again, my dear Ling had cravings because she is pregnant with my child. Ooops!

If only I have the original picture of this. This was actually a snowman, it was cute! and then it melted, the eyes and mouth dropped out and it looked like some weird alien now. Will try to get the original looks of it from Cai Ling soon. HAHA

This really made me laugh my ass off. HAHA

Our buys: Floral bag, bras, denim shirt, eyeliner, facial wash. Kinda regretted the bag but now I like it liao :p lols
The snakeskin cardigen is Ling's. Its sexay. We are cheapskate, our things all 10CHF one. LOLS

We spotted a Kembara the next morning while on our way to the supermarket. Malaysia Boleh! <3

Be ecological, don't use refrigerators! Use natural resources :p

Yogurt sayang bought for me. I was like "Why you give me?" "I buy for you one lah" I melted and ate it up HAHAZ

It was time for me to go home. Had to work the next day. Cai Ling then gave me a set of bangles before I leave! And wished me Happy Birthday. Was so touched seh! I was looking at the bangles and I went, eh.. pretty hor. and she bought it! Awww.
Thank you slut!

I enjoyed sayang and sa's company so much. Never laughed like that for so long, when will I laugh like that again?

Ciao!

January

2011-01-03T00:13:00.002+01:00

Gonna start my post with a Happy New Year Everyone!
I know, 10 more mins its the 3rd day of January already. My sister is already a 4th former. She starts school now (Malaysia time 7 am already).
Haven't been able to rest properly for the past week because of Christmas and New Year.
Christmas was supposed to be a joyous season for me, but it was NIGHTMARE for me this year. Not only I need to work till wee hours, I get scolded and wronged for all the no-reasons. I have no idea why I have to bear with all of these nonsense, cover for my colleagues' faults etc.

Everlyn, 4 more days its over, -for a day and a half. Finally have my off day after 2 weeks! I am going to treasure this off day well :DDDD
BTW, am I too detail-y and too noisy in my posts? Let me know! Hahas.
Today I am feeling extremely tired. I don't know why. I guess I am mentally tired.
Got "fucked" twice a week. Not nice. First I got scolded "Fuck Chinese" in the face for no reason.
And today my colleague did some mistakes but she went home already. Boss thought it was my mistake, he told me I work like a fuck. Is it me or are they too rude? Or am I too sensitive?
I don't care people wanna type the eff word all over FB and blogs. Its just a way of expressing, but scolding someone in the face its just...

I realised most of the internship bosses are like that. Just because we are Asian. TMD.
Where is Beijing Olympic held man?! In Europe kah?
Thats why I envy sayang a lot, his boss is awesome.

Ah anyway I started my new year happily, with a lot of tips and prossecco which made me drunk by just drinking 1dl and then fireworks and a call with sayang and my mama.
I am turning 19 together with a sampat woman in 14 days. Time flies! Next year would be my sister's turn to take SPM already. Gosh!!!! and she is off for college!

I can't wait for my one week break! But I don't know where to go. My friends are all off for internship already. They are everywhere in Switzerland. Lols. I miss my roomie. My housemate sucks! Except for the other Swiss lady. She and I cannot wait to kick that ass housemate out lols.
Need to make a list for shopping soon, buy something for my mummy daddy and sister. Don't think I will buy like those souveniers for my friends because they're meaningless(the things are meaningless, NOT my friends arh!) and I have to buy a lot! Sorry, need the money for my fees and stuff next year! Planning to get my mom a Longchamp which I spotted long ago and an iPod for my sis. Depends how well she treats me :ppp Wanna buy something real nice for my family with my salary :DDD It feels nice.
And dad.... a dog? Lols. I don't know.

Oh oh I grew fatter, like seriously. I looked at my pictures before I came here, my face was sharper. Oh no, how to slim down. Dai.
3 more months and hello Malaysia. OMG OMG can't wait! HEEE

Good night!

2010-12-27T12:36:00.000+01:00

Was planning for a fruitful halfday off today. Was in a good mood because I dyed my hair and stuff.
Then wanna hiao hiao camwhore with my new hair and then blog about it.
But it was sorta ruined. First, went to supermarket yesterday and found out they gave me back wrong change, friggin RM30 you know!!!! Fly fly away liao T.T Hope they will give me back later when I go find them :[[[[

2nd thing was I found out my lady boss did not give me tips!
My Swiss colleague was like telling me, that crazy bitch from Spain gets a lot of tips one at the end of the month. Ladyboss biased lah you know, she holiday friggin one month also got tips, I never holiday no tips. WTF is this right.
Then I asked her, so how much you got last month? Oh same as you, the German/French group gave us each 100CHF right and lady boss gave me 130CHF.
I swored. WTFFFFFFFFF. &then she asked, "You?"
I said "None"
She went "WTFFFFFFFFFFFF.. I hate unfair things like this!"
Was supposed to call back to school to ask about the bowls my lady boss wanted. Now I found out she is so unfair to me, what for wanna help her? Go eat raw eggs la. Sheesh.
I don't feel bad doing/breaking things anymore. 'cause she friggin swallowed money, which is supposed to me mine.

Rambling ends. January faster come!

Joy to the world :]]

2010-12-25T23:37:00.002+01:00

Merry Christmas! Had a great Christmas?
I didn't celebrate it this year so I tak tau lor :D
But anyway this year Christmas was super complete except not having any company :[
I had snow, and SNOWFLAKES! Damn zun loh! Xmas see snowflakes. Until now I cannot stop grinning at my snowflake picture. HAH.

Anyway I got a 'niceee' scolding this morning. Yes, on Christmas morning. Thanks, I needed that man.
Blah. But after a while everything is ok le.
"And why is my housemate from Portugal yelling?"
Back to the post.. Uhh... I super dislike this dishwasher dude from Portugal. Super no manners to me. Super da nan ren. Go die. Thank goodness he doesn't live in my apartment. If not I go fart at his door everyday. HAHA

Got many wishes today from Malaysia. Happy :]]]
& I think sayang got me a Christmas present ler :p But he said its something small, but well still happy!

Oh yar, my snowflake story right.. I was walking home from work, snowing very lightly only. Almost doesn't feel like its snowing at all. When I reached home, I saw two snowflakes on my scarf I immediately run into my room and take camera lah! But the moment I stepped indoors they melted. So I immediately ran out and put my scarf laying around to trap snowflakes. I got them! WEEE! But I am not familiar with my camera yet so I only got like 2 nicer pictures. Sad :[[[
Then I ran back into my room to bring out my black gloves so that the snowflakes will look more obvious, then it stopped! So its proven, its not easy to see snowflakes! Which is why I am mad happy! I thought I will never get to see snowflake in my life after I leave Swiss. HEE
Now its snowing like mad heavy now, not even one sign of snowflake. Hah. I am so lucky! HEHE

So mannnyyyy... But they are real tiny!

Go see my Facebook for the zoomed in one. EFFING PRETTY AND MAGICAL!

Snowflakes should be one of the natural wonders man, how did such beautiful thing been created NATURALLY, just with water, air and blah! I am crazy lols. Ignore my siao zha bor-ness. :p

-

Tonight restaurant was kinda packed, Christmas dinner is on babeh!
Had a super nice dinner because I had this chocolate dessert. Its something like those volcanic chocolate cake, with warm chocolate inside. But the one I had was more of a kind of fudge or cream more than a liquidy chocolate, hence its not 'jelak' at all! And its dark chocolate, hence you won't get sick of it even if you ate more than 2 of it :]
Happy!

I did the X'mas set-ups!

Quater of my restaurant.

Hee I am so proud of myself! Its so pretty :p

The serviettes are made this way just for Christmas! Super kecoh to make it perfect but I like! Its so pretty! (None of these pictures showed justice to the serviettes!)

Another quater of my restaurant.

The regular wine/beer people.

Enrico! We call him Chico 'cause its cuter LOLS. The man behind all my fats! All his food and desserts. Nyams :p

Got praised for my Swiss German today hehe. I will learn harder! Although its not exactly useful to me if I leave Switzerland next time lah. But good lah, to learn a new language.
Christmas is ending in 2 hours' time from now and Happy Boxing Day, then.

On this day, I suddenly missed so many people.
I miss Bernard, I missed twin, I miss my pets, I called my mom today and she mentioned "Remember you used to draw snowflakes on our dining table last year and year before because you wished to see snowflakes?"
I suddenly felt a bit 'sour' and felt like crying. She remembers all these stupid little details I did when I was a kid. Ok lah, not kid. Form 5 kid.
I missed Sneefee, I made coloured few of her spikes red and her nails. She looked so cute haha, but she didn't get to celebrate Christmas this year, I thought she would celebrate her 2nd birthday with in a month's time :[ Sigh, maybe she is an angel already. So cute lah, Sneefee with a halo :p

Wanted to get a haircut but its almost RM200 after converting. So I rather go buy a pair of scissors and cut myself hah.

Oh, and..
Not forgetting its ♡♡♡♡♡th month.

-although sometimes I wished you care half as much as you care for her, quater as much as he cared for me.

But, anyway.

Resolutions?

2010-12-22T21:07:00.000+01:00

I believe I never had resolutions before because I do not believe in them. Like, I don't think I will actually remember/follow them anyways. Things changes according to situations. But assuming I am going to die the year after, so its practically my last chance to have a resolution I guess?
Wanna list them now since I still remember them.

So lets start!

Work my plans out asap
To get a degree asap
Help family with problems
Grow up
Be more independent
To fit into a friggin bikini man!
Spend less/ shop for things that are worth. Bought so much nonsense cheap stuffs which are uselsss tsk
Be more friendly
Be more positive
Try not to rant so much
Get a job and support myself
To study harder - this is why I never had resolutions before because this never happens
Study a new language
Find a new hobby/sport so that I can slim down and fit into a bikini
Sleep more
Learn how to bake and cook more things
Take nice photos
Continue drawing
Take up a new skill
Learn to play more songs on the piano
Have better temper
Upgrade my English - its going down the drain
Read more
Improve my friendship with my babes I haven't met since I came Switzerland!
Start reading newspapers - am ashamed of the fact that I hardly read newspaper hahaz
Pray that I will live longer than 2012- the Youtube vids are scaring me out. I dont wanna die!
Turn 20 in 16 Jan 2012
Will continue when I have more.

BYE!

Racist beeches GTH

2010-12-22T18:02:00.001+01:00

Hello! I love Dell keyboard and so I have the mood to blog. Haha. Lame excuse.
I love using sayang's lappie! I like the keyboard. Its so clacky and noisy and shiok to type. Hahaha.
When I hear the sound of keyboard, make me feel like I very pro in typing like that. Lols.
Self-deceiving.

Well, I remember how I used to say "Work was ok so far"
No I will not use it anymore.First day of work after my 3 days break sucked like hell.
First I my lady boss and boss came early in the morning with a long face. I just arrived, hello? What the hell did I do this time?
She asked me to clean shelfs, she knows I am the shortest there, hence I need a ladder, the ladder also broken, I fell together with the glasses, she only cared how many glasses fell. And not if I am okay or not. Hello, I fell from the ladder, hello?????

There is no peace for me ever since the Portuguese couple came back. Go back and raise your grandchildren lah, what for come back. My housemate and I never get proper sleep at all ever since they are back. My perspective towards Portuguese changed like a whole lot ever since living in Switzerland. Portuguese people are like Indonesians in Malaysia. Scattering everywhere, working illegally as dishwashers. The population in this part of Switzerland is like crazy I tell you. I don want to sound racist but I really dislike them now. Come to other people's country, humble lah sikit! Why so hao lian!

Gonna state all my "encounters" with Portuguese:
1) The dish washer boy glares at me because my colleague forgot to prepare cutlery for him for his dinner.
And so he used my chef's cutlery which was already prepared because he didnt want to go and take his own.
- Dude, get your own cutlery. Cant you see we had full house that day? We got no time for you.

2) Portuguese couple damn irritating. My housemate used their toilet paper by accident for just once. And they had to write a note to tell my housemate off. Now our little toilet for 3 rolls of toilet rolls of the same design and brand. I had to write my name on mine. OMG.

3) They Skype as though their microphone is 100 years old. I can hear them on Skype when I was doing laundry in the basement. Like seriously. My housemate had to take the 7.30 am train every morning and she gets headache everytime they Skype. They always Skype around 11 at night. Which means my housemate and I will be sleepless at least till midnight. Best part is the whole conversation is all about Ciao! Ciao! and then make baby stupid sounds for the grandchildren in Portugal.

4) They HAD to knock everytime I am pooping. They are at home 2 hours before I come home from work.
Why must they knock when I am pooping? I just came back, I need to crap and shower! Give me a break!
And when I come out, they will say "Dont forget 4 people are sharing the same toilet" in Italien. I understand la. She said smtg like Quatro person something something la.
-Eh you do know we are SHARING it eh. Let me crap finish first la!

5) I have to lift up the table cloth everytime I eat.
-Eh then terus dont put table cloth lah! For wad put table cloth!!!!!!!

6) The Portuguese chef damn wu seh in work. You know I had to carry like boxes of 5kg and above to the cellar with those big hugeass fridges with door that kind you know? I left the door open because I still have to carry more of it down. So I got "no hands" to actually open it and close it lah, so I just leave it open until I am done. He used a very rude manner to call me down all the way to just close the thing. I close the thing unwillingly, and when I carried my 2nd box, he saw me having difficulties to open it, he purposely duwan help. TMD
- He and his wife lives with me btw. If I were to be in Malaysia, people of this age usually will treat girls like me like their own granddaughter. Since I am so young and what not. No, they are extremely mean. Because Portuguese are all high and mighty right. Go eat your Grape Teeth la.

7) They cook only what they like and its disgusting. You know we workers are given meals before work. Before they came back, it was another chef who cooks our meals. He cook like really simple and basic stuffs like pasta and what nots. This one, they cook like Portuguese food which tastes like.... never considering if I eat them. Remember I tweeted I had to force stewed liver down my throat? Yeah that was when they were around a month ago. And now they are back. Yesterday he cooked some weird soup which I cant even swallow and I am supposed to eat it with bread. They give me left over bread from the afternoon. Which is all stale and stuff already and they get the fresh ones. I was like cursing the whole dinner.

8) The crazy bitch is back. She got my Swiss colleague into trouble and was rude to her.
Its official. My working life is gonna start screwing up because of them.

I admit, I am racist too. I hate Cheena-nese. But I am Malaysian, I did nothing bad and lowdown to make them despise Malaysians. They assume I am like any other Cheenanese. Lowdown cheapskate and thieves. But hey, even I hate Cheenanese but NOT ALL cheenanese are lowdown ok! Even when they come to me to ask for directions and stuff I still speak in a nice manner. I even brought a China Chinese to buy stamps and then bring her to the shop where she can buy souveniers. Racist is one thing, and COURTESY is another. WTF is this.

Got watch Beijing Olympic or not? Chinese dont come from trees and mud ok!

I need a getaway. Which is why I came to my teddy monkey! Lols.
Didnt really spend time because he came home very late, and I slept off already.
But I just need to get the hell outta the place.

Woke around 11 and had lunch with sayang because he had a half day off!
and me full. Gonna go back in an hour's time :[[[

Mine. I seem to be eating the same kind of things everytime. Hahaha

and his.. Rosti! Nyamssss....

Really gotta lose weight real soon. Aiks.

He was a bad photographer so I took picture of myself. HAHAs

Must be wondering what is this picture. I find it amusing why the people had to carve testicals for this animal. If its not there, this whole status is still nice what. HAHA

I still suck at photography. I dont know when to set my shutter speed, when to use the -1 -2 thingy, I dont know when to use the knob. You know when you turn it it shows 1/4, 1/8 walao. and what the heck is aperture!

When its dark, what things should I set so that my pictures will not turn all black! and when its sunny, what should I do so that my pictures will not be all white? I mean I get it in the end after multiple tries like the picture above, but I need like a proper knowledge of it so that I can just set it, and snap. and not keep twisting here n there and snap like tens of the same thing grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I am so bodoh. LOLS

I heart Klosters

2010-12-20T17:44:00.000+01:00

Its my third day here in Klosters. I am loving everything here.

The people here, the surrounding and everything. Sayang's lady boss is ultra nice too.

Honestly, my lady boss and boss are great people too. I also prefer my working hours back there in Zuoz. But if I were to choose, I'd choose to work here.

Everyone is so lively here! & I got no language barrier here! Lols. Both also got its pros and cons la. But everything happens for a reason right! I am now in Zuoz, perhaps there is something planned out for me?

But... I think that...

My lady boss is having some things against me, I feel even more... dot dot. Before I had my day off, my customers asked me what am I doing at the train station at 6. I was shocked lah obviously. At that time, ghost also balik rumah liao, how he knows? But turned out he was waiting for a train at the other side so he recognized me lah. He also mentioned he saw me eating a banana. =.= butthen my lady boss she came to me and said

"You know, these people(my regulars) they see everything." Maybe I am sensitive or what la. BUT.

Walao, what is that supposed to mean? She sounded very.. I don't know what to say. Never divide tips to me sudah la, somemore wanna accuse me of stealing is it? She never said that la but somehow I just felt that way. and that area of mine, they kinda discriminate Asians, which I hate! If we speak English, it seemed like we committed a crime. Sienz.

Oh well, been watching dramas in room instead of being outdoors because the past few days had been freezing and this afternoon's weather was nice! However, was out only for one hour plus because sayang had to work.

Went to supermarket(daily routine lols) and then had some hot chocolate.

Took some pictures and I realised I hardly appear in my pictures because sayang doesn't take my pictures!

Sad. HAHA

Anyway I forced him to take a picture of me. Haha. So thick skinned right.

Oh yeah! I served this Germany Prime Minister to-be in sayang's restaurant last night. Waaaaaa damn stress I tell you. The wife is friggin pretty lah I tell you. I might turn into a lesbian for her. Damn pretty! Aihs, lucky man!

Got 2 daughters liao still look so hot!

Gonna remember that day for life! One day I see him on TV I am gonna go, "Ehhh I served this man before!"

Ok fine, laughs.

Gonna take the train home later after 7. Gonna miss here and sayang terribly.

Ok lah. Wednesday I have off again. Lols but I think sayang no off! Wuuuu..

Just gonna work my ass off for the last few days of December and January babeh!

Hopefully January's crowd will slow down a little already. Then I can celebrate my birthday!

Just that imma have a white birthday this year and I have different people celebrating it with me. Woots!

Gah, shall let the pics do the talking :]]

Reminds me of Japan, IDKY. LOLS.

On the way to supermarket, day 1.

Spotted a cute doggie outside the supermarket :]]

A famous restaurant of Klosters.

This picture somehow reminds me of the first movie of Narnia ._.

At night after work!

Me after shower keke

I so good girl now, put retainers le.

Day 3: Hot schoky after supermarket!

Yay finally a picture of me!

Waaa budak hansem!

Sayang's workplace. Klein und fein. It means small and fine.

Gahh look fat here, angle problem angle problem!

Off Days are Awesome!

2010-12-18T12:30:00.001+01:00

Hello everibadi. Ok, make it hello one person. I think I am the only one who reads the blog now. Esp I changed my link again. I changed it back to evywritesat which is my ori link 2 years back. And I think its better with it! My immasunflower had some spelling mistake in it. Its supposed to be ima instead of imma. I realised that long ago but I just didnt bother to change it. hahas.
Anyway I am having an awesome break of 3 days! Here I am in... you can fill in the blanks already! Haha
Somehow I just like being alone but at times I like being near him :]
Was being really pessimistic about everything for the past 2 days? Had a lot of things on my mind. I was worried about my ow family and future and stuff.
Was wondering why did I ever let you go in the first place. *Ofc I do not regret lah, but I feel terrible.
Anyway its all good now, I hope. These 3 days I will try to be a happy girl and 2010 is going to end soon!
Gonna start everything anew and make the problems I had this year as history.

I mentioned in Facebook I had laksa. It was awesome! Really like Malaysia's curry laksa.
Weeee ima happy fat girl now. I have awesome boots now and so I can go play in the snow later if I have the time. kekeke.

I hope everything will turn better and things will find their own way there. *prays*

I wish you guys a super Merry Chirstmas!

-and I will blog about my resolutions soon!

Schuss!

A fun day?

2010-12-16T23:12:00.004+01:00

Yo yo yo. Back from work. Again. I am kind of bored of repeating this routine of mine.

Work home work home work home. Yesterday I finally get to go back to Luzern on my off day!

Woots! I damn looking forward to it lah. Keep counting down the days. Was excited to bring my baby out to take loadsa pictures. Unfortunately I lost my 'kick' to take pictures and stuff. Hence only a few boring pictures.

I missed the last train at night hence I took the morning train which is 6.13am if I am not wrong?

I was so excited I actually became so hiao went and drew eyeliner wei. Wanna mei mei take pictures ma. But I never appear in any pictures also lah ._.

Somehow I just thought, what am I even doing here when I reached Luzern. I don't know why I had this feeling la. All of the sudden I just wanted to be alone. Hmm.

Maybe seeing the people around me are not as hyped up as I am just dampen my mood and stuffs?

However, I did some shopping and of course I am happy! But I regretted not buying the pair of jeans sayang picked. Aiks!

But I had a great day in general! Walked, shopped, talked, chilled.

&Starbucked.

Being away from Luzern for almost a month, certainly things changed a lot in school. Less familiar faces, more intakes. The place almost seemed strange to me. I certainly miss my another sayang a lot! Cai Ling! I miss our room! Nostalgic lah when I see room 69 *tears*

Luzern is cold. I can't remember Luzern being cold. I was there during the whole summer in shorts and tank tops, hence. I don't know. Luzern somehow became my home :']

My friends are all going for intern. Funny how times fly. In exactly a month's time is my birthday.

Heh, what should I get for myself? LOLs

I will miss having Season's fruit cake and my family celebrating with me. In fact, no one is celebrating with me this year because we are all working.

Oh my tian ah. *sobs*

Oh, SAM's results are out! My twinkie is going to uni liao! I feel excited for her! Its been almost a year since we met, and next year we prolly cannot meet again. Aiks, I miss the stay overs at your house!

And Ah Pui, what are your plans! Update me please people!

I think I am not getting any readers anymore because they're sick of my emo-ness.

Pardon me lah, lonely people emo more often hehs.

My first meal! McD, I missed you so. Don't think this burger is available in M'sia. It has bacon!

Speck ist immer gut! Nyams!

Lols, don't you just love candids? Heh.

Old Town! I missed you as well!

At Dosenbach, an awesome shoe store. Cheap cheap!

A very hindi/gypsy feel shop.

WE, ming pai dian!

:]]

This shop is sexeh! It was my first time in 'this-kind-of-shop'
But I can 100% sure this shop more 'open' than those in Malaysia. However, being a suaku, when the lady came to ask "Can I help you?"
I feel like bursting into laughter wei. Ok lah, not funny. But somehow its just weird. HEE

They have the wideest range of dildos and they even have dildo's that look like dolphins. Are dolphins look alikes of penises? Heh? They also have the widest range of gay porns. OMT.

We chilled at Starbucks before going home. Also, wanted to celebrate sayang's birthday!

My love, Frappucino! I so must try the hot choc next time :]]]

Erm, ok. Let me explain. Starbucks lauya one! No have candles! Eesh, should've chilled at Heini's instead. At least cna buy candles. So thank goodness I brought my lighter with me. So this is what I came out with.
*I have lighter not because I smoke ok! Its for work. Need to light up candles.

Somehow it looked fake so I asked him to hide the lighter behind the cake :p

Him wearing my cute mufflers :D

Random pic. I think I dragged him to take photos everytime. Super no mood a.

The way he wipes the floor so cute.

We bought new boots! I can walk to work without worrying to fall! But super ex lah, about 300++ Ringgit. But at least go back Malaysia can wear lah. If I buy Uggs, go back also cannot wear le.
Hmms, wanna go lie down and see if i sleep off.
Nights!

I blush when you hold my hand unexpectedly.

I get excited when you call my name.

I am happy when you asked me to slow down and follow your pace.

I smile unknowingly when you initiate to stand beside me.

I am not shy in front of cameras if the person behind the lens is you.

I feel lucky when you were there to nag me to drink more water, wear my retainers.

Why ever did I let you into my world? Is this love or is this just a crush?

~~Funny how I am being him to love me at the same time I am begging you to stop loving me.~~

~~Be strong, happy. I am here.~~

Am I.. ?

2010-12-16T00:22:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I ponder..

I was once everything to someone.
I was once perfect to somebody out there.
Everything thing I did was perfect, cute and everything nice.
Every mistake I made was silly.
I was once the reason to somebody's smile.
All I have to do is to give a little and it is the world for somebody.

I was once the reason somebody forgotten his sorrows.
I was once the person who brought him back on his feet.
I was once the person who gave him confidence to go for his dreams.
I was once the person who made him did crazy things.

*No bragging purposes intended

I changed two person's life in a way. What have I done to yours?
Am I even important to you? Where do I stand in your heart? Do I even have a stand?
What will happen to me if I did something you dislike?
What will happen if you found out I am not perfect?
What will happen if you found out I am not the reason to everything?
Do you even care about what I did? Do you even appreciate me?

Love is really hard sometimes.

My year being 18

2010-12-14T12:29:00.002+01:00

I can't believe how times fly. How fast I am turning 19, last year being a teen. That sucks!
This year has treated me pretty well. How can I complain right? Am like studying in Switzerland.
But things just sucked towards the end. This year was pretty much a year of lessons for my life.
I learnt so much this year.

First up, I learnt my lesson for not being serious in my studies. Thus my pathetic SPM results ....
Its not THAT pathetic but compared to my school standards, it is kind of..

I learnt my lesson not to rush things- I took up the nursing scholarship offer without considering because I felt I was lucky enough to be even offered one?

I learnt my lesson that family is always the best- after moving to Muar, those were the times I got really close to my mom. I am with her all day long until I left for Switzerland. Shizz I feel like crying now.

I learnt my lesson that once I lose something, its never coming back at times- Sorry. I really do not know what to say.

I learnt my lesson about not giving hopes to people I don't love who loves me- Sorry Yong Han, not sure if you're reading this but you're two years younger than me, you got time lah == lols

I learnt that they are nice people around- mummy and daddy, I only met you again after 4 years yet you still treated me the same, when I was a baby. *mummy and daddy are my godparents

I learnt how to appreciate things- Which is why I strived my studies this year. But.

I learnt that there is DEFINITELY no free lunch in this world.

I learnt to not trust. Again.- you really disappoint me. Go eat grass.

Someone taught me how to love.- but sadly the another party isn't you.

I have learnt to cook and be independent this year- Being all alone 3000 miles away makes a huge difference.

I have learnt to make decisions and not regret it.

I have learnt to take stress.

Lastly, I have learnt to take shit. No matter what shit happens.

- Was inspired by Kenny Sia, he always blog about the things that happened to him according to his age. Like if he's 26, he will state 26 things. My life, so far so boring, I cannot think of 18 things so I shall blog according to the months?

January:
In Muar. Loving my life there. It was free and stressless. I drive around my housing area, eat Mee Hoon Kueh, at night go sit at kopitiam with my uncle and lim teh, Ramlee burger, wanton mee for RM 1.80,
helping in my family's coffeeshop. Was planning on doing my form 6 there even, somehow now I regret for not doing form 6.

Celebrated my birthday there. Cousin and friends surprised me. So gan dong! Had fruit cake(my fave)

Febraury:
CNY was awesome. It was definitely different from JB. Ang pau's def less money(living standard there lower) but I enjoyed my CNY in Muar the most.
I remembered smiling and laughing alot in Muar compared in JB.

March:
Preparing to fly off. Making visa etc etc etc

April:
Celebrated Easter in SG and St Anne's Church.
Was practically in church everyday with my godparents for the preparation of Easters. Exposed to something new. Was amazed by how big and how important Easter was. I enjoyed a lot. Looking at my godma carrying Mother Mary's statue/Godpa Jesus's statue with another 8 people, somehow got this gandong feeling ==
On the 7th, flew for Switzerland. New life starts.

- I lost someone special forever. By a stupid mistake I did, which I haven't really understand what and why I did that. Next.

May:

Basel.

It was summer already.

- Got the jerk outta my life. Jerk. I forgave him anyway, no use keeping a grudge.

I fell in love with a smile.

June:
Went for internship interview. Which sucked. Because had to interview in German. bleh.

July:
Went to Germany. Many other parts of Switzerland.

25th July :]

August:
Nothing special.

September:
Moved to new apartment with Raven, Angel and Cai Ling. Helluva great memory in that apartment. Missing every bit of it right now.

October:
Internship starts. Cried my ass off everyday for a week.
Hated my colleagues for being such crazy bitches. Been travelling back to Luzern a lot and felt tired.
Emo a lot for this month.

November:
Had an awesome 10 days break from work. Spent all of it in Luzern. Got my salary! Bought myself a camera and pampered myself a little with food and clothes etc :]
Went to Vitznau. Wanted to move there to study!

Shit happened later on that day.

Work this month was great 'cause one of the crazy bitches had to go back to school for a month, so the other crazy bitch was not as crazy 'cause the crazy bitch no.1 was not there to agitate her. But she is coming back this week. Gosh, gotta be mentally prepared. Sigh, crazy bitches.

December:
Sneefee left me.
Shit is still going on. T.T
Sayang's birthday! Christmas! Snow!

January: Hoping for a brand new better year.

But I believe things will only end when I go back Malaysia.

April:
Lets start over, shall we? Treat me well 2011. 'Cause we are dying in 2012.
I don't want!

FML

2010-12-10T13:35:00.003+01:00

This is encrypted: ***

Decision kills.

2010-12-09T21:55:00.002+01:00

Ahh, its been a week since I blogged no?
Just a short entry about my day out with boyfee.
Something little but something that made me forget my stress and emo-ness for a while.
These two months haven't been doing me a favour. :[ But all bad times will be over soon, I hope.
Its just unfair how fast good times pass faster than the bad ones.

Oh well, after a stressful day at work, I went home the latest, later than my boss. I then realised its boyfee's day off, having all hopes he will come and look me up! So I went home happily eventhough it was blardy late. Had a nice chat with my 28 year old housemate who's a belle. She is still in shock for the fact I am 10 years younger than her =.=
The railway is right outside my toilet you see, I know the time of every train already you see. I was still having the hope!
But he sms-ed me saying he is in his room le, he said "See you tomorrow!"
I terus, "harrr" in my heart lah.
Ten minutes later he appeared outside my house! Happy!

We chit chatted, we gossiped, I complained and complained. He is a real good listener, to me at least.
Without knowing, its already morning. He was still sleeping and I went and fry myself an egg. Ok, fine. Two eggs.
about 1 we left for lunch! It wasn't super yummy but I enjoyed it very much.

I've never experience lunch like this with anyone before. Its like a typical western lunch, we had bread and then a 3 course meal we chatted while we eat and we ate for almost 2 hours! I have no idea what we chatted about. But time just passed like whew! Its a good thing, right?
Heh. I am super tired now(just knocked off) hence my stupid English. Pardon me, have no mood to type properly now. My sentences also like standard 1 kid sentences. Haiya, you all can understand then its ok already lah right.
Heh. We walked on ice, slipped so many times. Just walk and walk. Everything was so simple. But it was an awesome day for me. Thank you :]]

So some pictures:

Ok la, not as nice as my restaurant's. But its been a long while since I had a meal like this!

Nyams! Ima sucker for fried stuff man.

I didn't take picture of his food. He had lamb cutlets or something lah. I was too engrossed in my food.

The whole day he complained 'bout his hair cannot style up. Blame my shampoo for making it soft. Hello, ima girl, you think I want to buy shampoo to make my hair hard ah? :p

Coupe danemark, I finally conquered you!!! Thanks for treating me dessert ya!

Went to Coop aka supermarket, bought 2 rolls of film for my lomocam, went home. Chilled, work.

Eff work lah wei! Countdown to off days: 5 days! I am such a sad person HAHS

I want to speak English really badly! and thank God two Russians checked in today and they can't speak German, hah! I can speak English without getting scolded already. Wee.

Told ya I have a sad life lah, want to speak English also kena. Wahlao.

I am having a hard time making decisions alone. Sometimes I do feel I am independent enough to live abroad but sometimes I really screw things up and I wanna go home. Is this normal, or I am just not ready yet? I just hope everything will even out by its own someday, soon.

I am going to chill and relax. I love early shifts, I go early in the morning, that's true but I also can leave early. Yeah!

Ok bye :p

I guess I am seriously homesick

2010-12-02T22:12:00.002+01:00

Hello people! Well, I am so shameless always announcing an audience when I am not sure myself if anyone reads this space. Oh wells, let me live in my lil own world :]

I am blogging, again because I have no life. Seriously, when I say no life, I really mean no life.

Let me tell you the cycle of my week. Work > Home > If lucky enough to have 2 off days in a row > Go and find sayang > If not, stay at home and online for 11 hours and most of the time on FB/bloghopping > Supermarket > Home > Work.

My working time is like from 8/9 till 12 or later. Continue at 4 till 7/8? Sometimes if busy perhaps till 10? If later shift, it starts at 11 till 4 and then 6 till restaurant closes. Practically I only have 2 hours of free time and after work I'd be dead beat and I will stay in bed and fall asleep. So computer is my only life. Bored, watch drama, drama cannot load, chat with people, people not online, blog. & it goes on.

I miss everything about Malaysia. Seeing Cai Ling being sad about leaving Malaysia makes me feel the same way as well. I don't know about you guys, but you never know how awesome Malaysia is until you leave Malaysia and live in a country like Switzerland. I have friends studying in Australia and they say they never want to come back to Malaysia. I don't know but, I pretty love Malaysia more than ever now. Perhaps certain places of Australia as a certain Asian touch to it, but Switzerland, its more ang moh than you want it to be. The people here are friggin proud of being a Swiss and they speak Swiss German. They know you speak English but they insist on speaking German to you. That makes me feel even more unwelcome here. To find an Asian restaurant, its hard. Even if there is, its mad expensive. Like RM60 for a plate of fried rice, which my mom or myself can cook better. Its so hard to find Chinese ingredients here, all I ever want for Christmas is soya sauce. HAHS

Everyone dresses the same here, I realised I started to dress like Swiss girls somehow. I mean, not that I hate here, I think I can leave here. I am familiar with almost most of the things here, but leaving here is so expensive. 9th most expensive country to live in, and Zurich has the highest buying power in the world. Imagine that. If you ask me to choose, I certainly want to live in Malaysia. Switzerland, perhaps when I am rich or when I marry an ang moh. Meh. I will open a kedai runcit and sell Asian food and I will be my own customer. HAH. I am crazy.

I know I've said this a lot. But I really dislike dislike my colleagues! The one that I hate most is coming back. Soon. The current one I am working with now, well, we get along. But when the evil witch is back, both of them gonna pakat and bring me down. Seriously, I haven't prepared myself mentally for her return. LOLS. I am making her sound like an evil witch. But seriously, when they do mistakes they bla and bla to my boss in German to push the blame on me thinking I am stupid and I tak faham. Hello, I cannot speak doesn't mean I cannot understand ok. Biatch.

Anyways, my friend caught a snowflake! I am MAD JEALOUS! My area snowed a month before her area and yet she get to see snowflake first! Besides, it snows even more heavily at my area. HOW COME I NEVER SEEN A SNOWFLAKE ONE!? I always wanted to see a snowflake when I was 9/10. I am so going to pay more attention when I walk from now. I am so into snowflakes right now. When I was younger, my tuition teacher told me that if I see a snowflake I will be lucky. I childishly believe it till now and I seriously think it is the most beautiful thing Mother Nature created. Once I saw a snowflake necklace I was like waaaaaa.. =.= Crazy right. Too bad snowflake is not a shape, if not it'll be my favourite shape. But my favourite shape is heart shape.

My post is getting no where. Bear with me.

Life is getting slightly better as sayang is working nearby. Emo moments are reduced.

I just miss home. Worried about my pets and craving for all sorts of food.

I can't believe I am spending so much already when I didn't even go shopping. Told ya living in Switzerland is expensive.

SPM is halfway there, seemed like I just had mine a while ago. My juniors are already finishing theirs. I certainly complain a lot 'bout being in Convent. All the injustice and all, but after leaving Malaysia for so long, I would exchange anything to be in SPM times again. I feel like I am such a contradict but yeah, kind of miss those times. Less responsibilities back then. Just clubs and exams.

TGIF tomorrow people. No difference for me because I am working.

For the rest of you, have a great weekend!

I am announcing an audience again. I am shameless like that. Good day people!

2010-11-29T23:12:00.001+01:00

Ok as promised, less emo post this time heh.
Things are getting slightly better now. Mom is being supportive in an indirectly way. Mom is always like that, always hiding her feelings and doesn't like admitting stuffs. HAHS
Today she asked sis if I still wanted to be a vet, my heart a bit itchy seh! But I am too old for form 6 anyways. The last resort is to do Foundation in Science and then go Indon or India for vet course. But for now I have forgotten about being a vet for a bit, my SPM results sucks, if I go summore Science Foundation, I think I will not be able to cope. Hence, I will be sticking to the original plan I planned :]
Best part is, I am not gonna use my parents money, again, hopefully. I really prefer standing on my own feet already, although sometimes things go wrong, I ended up troubling my parents, but I really like to fight for my own things in life from now on. I am turning 19 soon, hey.

I really want to be home. Somehow I feel bad having a great life here and something bad happened back home and I am not there. I want to be there, even during crisis, even I feel shit being in the crisis. Previously I find it such a bliss being so far away as I wouldn't know what happened back home and I always thought ignorance is bliss. But it isn't this case, for most of things, ignorance is a bliss, but when something happens back at home, how can I be ignorant? I want to be home :[[[
Although, I am not exactly enjoying my life here as I really hate being in this line, but I eat well, I live well and I have great friends here. The only thing that sucked is my work and this country. I still love Malaysia the most! though its kinda corrupted now =.='''

I cannot wait for 2011 to come. I don't know why. Prolly my birthday coming soon? HAHAs and the most important thing is 2011 I can go home! & I can continue with my plans. (fingers crossed) Hopefully. Also, 2011 I am not going to repeat the silly mistakes I've made this year.
2 mistakes I've regretted, one for hurting you u unknowingly and 2nd is for coming here because of greed.

1) I never knew the silly things I did which I thought was right 'caused such big cut in you. I am so sorry. Thanks for being honest and there is no way I can turn back or repent for my mistake. I am lost. Sorry. :']
2) I thought "Aiyah got scholarship just go lor, no need burden family. Don't care what course it is lah"
Greed is never good. Now, I am regretting and I am going to be a year behind my other friends. Well, we will see how I decide after my intern.

Lastly, I am so lucky to be given the chance to study overseas, eventhough I may not like it. But I learnt lotsa things and I met lotsa great people here. I have a diploma in hand now at least. I experienced a new life, went to Germany and explored so many places of Switzerland. If all fails, I can become a tour guide of Switzerland. LOLS just kidding.

p/s: thanks for looking me up and saranghae. May the memories always stay with us!!!!

Why do you love me?

2010-11-25T19:46:00.004+01:00

Sometimes I really feel like strangling myself. I feel so tired and all squeezed up altogether. I have too much things to consider, too much troubles in me. I have no one to let it out to, maybe I myself do not even know how to put it in words to let someone know how I feel.

.

I really suck at decision-making. True, I make decisions very fast but sometimes my decision sucks big time. I really have no idea what to do, where to go now. I have no solid support, what hurt most is my mom doesn't even support me, what should I do? I should just go end my life huh? But no, I am not like that, but sometimes I think being alive is harder than to die. My friends all know that I am not kiasu but I super kiasi. Everytime they talk about the world end I will hyperventilate. I'll be listing the things I have not done in my life, I am scared that when I die, I feel pain =.= (How I know how it feels like to die what! Maybe painful leh??)

The line I often use to my emo friends who wanted to end their life is
"You got the guts to cut yourself and die but no guts to live on ah?"
I think this line is not good anymore, because living is seriously harder than to die. Then again, God gave us life, we should treasure it right?

.

I am envious of those who have long relationships. How come their parents even let them have boyfriends? My relationships all ended before it could even really start is because mom found out, gotta end it and the process repeats till now. Konon I dated a lot, haven't really dated. Worst part is, my relationships only started/ended in sms-es. I dare say, in a so called 6 months relationship(for example), we only met twice never talked and only talked in SMS. I don't even have the guts to ask mom for outing permission before I was 16 or 17. I am so tired. Why can't I be in love openly like my friends? I am 18 going on 19. I know what I am doing. Girls nowadays are smarter, we don't kill ourselves for break-ups, we don't plan to marry our bfs at this age, we don't eff around. We know what we want for our future. Why can't my mom understand the world is changing and the girls are different now?
.

Especially I am in Switzerland, 10 times more open than M'sia. I managed to discipline myself. I don't even go clubbing even the most happening club is just 10 mins walk from my hostel. Why can't she trust me just once? I want to go through what teenage girls go through, puppy love. Why can't she understand its normal and why can't she understand its feelings we cannot control. Its just a boy likes a girl, a girl likes a boy. Nothing complicated. My mother is too protective I guess because she worries about me the most.

Let me fall in love properly, just once.

-

Sometimes I am so sick of the people in my school. The management I mean.

-

I am getting used to Switzerland's life already. But..
Sighs.

-

I hope we last and prove people wrong. But like I always say, no commitments I ask for. Just be as happy as long as we can <3 简单爱。

We are mismatched in horoscope, mismatched in characters, mismatched in thinkings, mismatched in cultures, mismatched with the group of people we hang out with, in other words we are simply just mismatched. But there's a reason why we are brought together.

Humans are so weird. I wish everything could be simpler.
I wish family backgrounds does not matter, I wish we could just accept someone for who they are and not judge by other factors.
I want all humans to be happy and positive, unlike me now. Damn effing emo.

Should I go for my dreams? Lastly. Dreams or money. Dreams are overrated they say. I think money is more essential to live. But now I dare not say I have money. But when I get my salary which is about RM3600, I get the joy of "waaa can spend money liao" but its a different joy. You think?
If I give up now, I am 19 next year, I am a year behind my other friends. I am afraid. I need a "support system".

I haven't found the meaning in life by working in hospitality industry. I don't know what's my highest target, I don't know what I am aiming for. Don't tell me I gotta work as a waitress for life? No way man! In Switzerland, maybe its acceptable because you earn almost as much as managers. In Malaysia, waitress? No way!

At least when I work as nurse, I know what I want. Maybe to work in Dubai, or become a head nurse, a maternity nurse or whatever. I need a direction board. Which I can trust. :[

.

I dare say I am not exactly home sick, but somehow I just prefer the lifestyle there. More lively, not so boring, more flexible. At times, I think to myself, why do I even need anything else when I have a mom who loves me so much. My mom and I are very much alike, likes to put on a strong front, hence I only realise her love for me in certain situations. After coming here, I felt like she has been really loving towards me. I became more attached to her too, but this recent argument we had really breaks my heart. I want my mom to be there for me.
.

Sorry I am burning your eyes with all these emo nonsense. I need to blahhhh somewhere. Thank you.
Ciao! Happier post next time.